Ana

Someone, a friend, gave me this verse many months ago. They told me the verse, and I quickly forgot it. People give people verses all the time and all under the pretense of...Gd gave this one to me and I'ma give it to you or...I came across this and didn't know why. I didn't forget this person's verse on purpose, I just don't memorize things when said once.

Today, I found myself listening to an array of party music, which is odd for me, but anyway, I found myself very very sad. Not depressed, just sad. Sad because I haven't partied in a long time. Sad because I don't even have enough money to party. I don't even have friends or a place to go to party nor would I be able to party the way I want to. I'm not going to get into how when I party or say party, anyone who knows me, obviously knows I'm not talking about getting drunk or high. But, these party songs are all happy go lucky songs. These songs are actually hopeful, whether with a person or single. These songs are all about enjoying the moments of being amongst friends and etc. And...my life is just not there, I haven't felt it there in a long time, and I have a feeling it won't be there for a long time.

I know music has the power to truly change your spirit and give you...ideas, so should I just stop listening to this music?

Either way, it is in this sadness that one is supposed to seek Gd. I didn't want to read my Bible. I didn't even feel like praying. But, I remembered Ana. I remember Ana always telling me and her texts ending with Joshua 1:9. It is: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Was I in a moment of not being strong? yes, Was I in a moment of not being courageous? Probably. Gd has apparently instructed me to be the opposite. Was I afraid at the time? Yes, afraid of never making it, afraid of never finishing any of my projects in due time, afraid of never losing weight and specifically becoming fit and toned, afraid of never being able to restore my skin, afraid that literally next year I wouldn't have a new car, or a apartment, or a  house, or a career let alone be traveling to a certain country to help certain human beings. Was I discouraged? terribly.

Did this scripture help? "for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go" It does, a little. I know I am not alone. I know what He is willing to help. I know that He knows....I do in fact feel alone.

Selective Hearing, Selective Christianity

Christianity, it's like a buffet, you take what you want, you leave what you don't. 

                                                                             - a bunch of people

Throughout my Christian life, I’ve generally heard of the whole, men are the head of the household, women are the weaker being, women are to submit to their husbands. But, the basis of scripture for these types of teaching, I know not where they come from, but I’ve always known that there are some poignant things said in the latter books/ letters by Paul in the Bible. In knowing that those letters said something more poignantly about the behavior of women, I admit that I steered clear of them. I didn’t want to know what they said. I didn’t want to hear such words that may support the beating of women or demand that I wear a long sleeve turtleneck dress all the way down to my toes with a scarf to cover my hair and most of my face. I didn’t want to hear it, read it, know it, so I avoided it. I figured, if I didn’t hear it, read it, know it, then I’m not accountable to it and I’m definitely not accountable to having to change my life over it

I am guilty of selective obedience. I am guilty of selective Christianity.

1^st Timothy 2:9

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

1^st  Timothy 2:11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through child bearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

HO-LY CRAP! What? It actually says that? The Bible? And not just the Bible, but specifically the New Testament, cause I know the Old Testament has got a bunch of crazy stuff in it, that…man, sucks for Jews. But, seriously, I mean, how does one explain this? I mean, how, what, WHAT?!

Okay, so, the latter letters by Paul were usually about the specifics as to the organization of the church. At this point, there began to form a sort of trend of service. There was a welcome, announcements, etc. There was a need for a widow ministry, a childrens’ ministry, etc. And leaders needed to be appointed, and overall organization was needed. I guess even things like who can pray, who can’t pray. Who can prophesize and who can’t, which even that, I don’t understand because prophecy was/is seen as a gift given by Gd, so if a female has the gift, is some man allowed to just come along and say, “Hey STOPPIT, that stuff is only us men. “?

Jeez… women should learn in quietness and full submission? What the heck does that mean? It cannot mean shut up and sit down and do as I say. It can’t. Can it? And this is the point where I struggle. Because, I’m choosing not to believe that. I’m choosing not to believe this women should learn in quietness and full of submission part. But, then, wouldn’t it be a sin? For me to decide (valley girl voice): I don’t get it, I don’t like it, so I’m not gonna practice it. I mean, it’s not like I’m standing up in church interrupting the pastor and telling people I don’t feel like sitting down. Isn’t that just general etiquette, anyway? But, if it is general, why does Paul specifically, specify women? “A woman should learn in quietness and in full submission”. Are men not learning in quietness? I don’t get it. Then, there’s the “I do not permit any woman to teach or to have any authority over a man”. This explains why for so long in many, many Christian denominations one would not see a female preacher in the pulpit. To be honest, when I see it, I cringe a little. I’m still not used to it. It’s just not done. Not that I don’t believe a woman has the power or gift to teach, HECK, ALL of my Sunday School teachers were women, ALL of my Christian Academy teachers were women. Is that due to women trying to take authority? Or is that due to men seeing it, teaching, essentially, was /is a woman’s job? But, all of a sudden, when we become adults, when the word “really matters” all of a sudden, men want to take the stage, and are the only ones whom are permitted to do so? 

What I AM confused about, is the fact that the first members of the church were women. WOMEN and while Paul was there, he even mentions to respect and listen to the word of some women…Priscilla is the only name that comes to mind now (she and her husband Aquillis? Romans 16) So…what’s going on? What’s going on that THIS time, in THIS letter, in THIS church, where Paul is suddenly…ugh moving on. “For Adam was created first”? “…it was the woman whom was deceived”? Yeah…okay, so…the woman was deceived….what was Adam’s excuse? He wasn’t deceived and ate the fruit anyway, which to me is a bit “more of a sin” than to mistake ‘cause someone tricked you. Seriously, what was Adam’s excuse for doing it? Was it not deliberate? So, those who are tricked into making mistakes can’t talk, but those who do it willingly and deliberately can? (squinting eyes…raised eye brow, now head supported by fist under chin)

Okay, I need to calm down. This is the Holy Bible, the inspired word of Gd I’m talking about, I can’t just blow up like that. I must maintain some sort of reverence. Am I really to respect this sort of reasoning? Because the man was first? That’s it? I had a student who wrote in his essay about I don’t know what, but he wrote, “It is true that Gd created man first, but I believe He got it right the second time around.” So cute, so sweet, and so what I needed to hear in this male dominated society that thinks men are awesome just because they have a tentacle shooting out of their stomach that many of them can’t control, themselves, oh and they were created first. Jeez… I’m upset. Maybe I should come to this later. 

P.S Eating Pork And Halloween Candy

Today I read 1st Timothy and found something else in support of not harping on the regulating of oneself to abstain from foods for fear of religious impurity.

1 Timothy 4:3, well, I'm gonna start from 1st Timothy 4.

The Spirit clearly states that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

It's interesting, I didn't know there was such repetition of it's okay to it, it's okay to eat. It makes me wonder what were the people going through at that time that Paul had to constantly repeat, you can eat pork, you can eat food that was for the sacrifice of Zeus cause Gd has made pork clean like he has made all peoples clean and Zeus doesn't exist anyway. 

Like, were people putting themselves through guilt trips after eating pork? Where they in such a guilt trip that they would stop going to church, abandon Gd, and just start drinking? Or, where people trying to stone the members of their church who were not Jewish, wanting to worship Gd, but still maintained their Gentile eating habits of eating pork. And the people would then tell them, well, you haven't really died to your sins, you're not really a real Christian anyway. HA, actually, I bet that is what happened. Which is the same thing we have today, thus hundreds of denominations of Christianity, I guess. Hahaha, Jesus, will we ever grow up?

-Lisa

Eating Pork And Halloween Candy

Today, I came across a scripture that supports, what came to my mind, the eating of pork. In the Old Testament, I believe Deuteronomy 14:8, pork as well as other foods was forbidden to ingest or a particular way to eat foods were forbidden (Deuteronomy 14:21).

This is the scripture: Colossians 2:20: Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Now, prior to this book there is the scene in Luke in which the disciple Paul sees a white blanket descending from the sky and upon the blanket are animals of all kinds, forbidden and permitted, and a voice from Heaven commands Paul to eat. Three times Paul says something like no, I will not eat of these Lord for you have deemed them unclean and I will not profane my body with ingesting these foods. The Lord replies to Paul, do not call impure what I have made clean. In fact, there is a scene with Jesus and the Pharisees where Jesus basically tells the Pharisees that eating something doesn’t make you unclean, it’s the poop that comes out that’s unclean. (Matthew 15:11).

I’ve never had an issue with eating pork. I either eat it because I want to or because I don’t want to. Generally, I don’t favor pork, I find it to be extremely salty and difficult to exercise off.  Additionally, I have no qualms with certain Christian denominations that have decided to abstain from those foods or ways of cooking that were previously forbidden. And I do not try to change that person’s mind about the Lord deeming the food acceptable (Romans 14:21). But, when joining Colossians 2:20 with Colossians 2:16: Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.

These scriptures seemed to release a bit of chains on my conscience when it came to my American Indian ancestry and my wanting to dress up in a costume from time to time, but finding that to be an acceptable behavior only around Halloween.

My culture has several festivals and celebrations that as I became an adult, I became to question whether or not they would be acceptable to part take in the eyes of Gd. I began to shave away some holidays, some songs and some stories. I ended up breaking down and asking, well, then what am I? What makes me me? My history, culture, reasons for select greetings, eating and dressing were now forbidden because well, the tradition resides in something other than the Christian god. For this reason, I avoided my family, not knowing how to ask them, not knowing what to say or do, not knowing well, what else to do. The more I looked into what else to do or what there was to do that was deemed “okay”, the more White or European everything was. Why? Must one speak English and be White in order to be a good Christian? Suddenly, I understood the resonating voice from one of the first missionaries to attempt to convert the Sioux, “In order to make a Christian out of an Indian is to take the Indian out of the Indian”.

Must one abstain from their culture to be a Christian? This was confusing, disheartening and really, really boring. But, how to justify my longing to simply have fun? How to justify the fun of dressing up as a pirate or mermaid, yes, even into adulthood? It’s super fun! I like dressing up and pretending to be different characters and since I can’t seem to acquire that as a daily job (actress) I have to time the dressing up very well, a costume party, which are rare and few between until Halloween.

Furthermore, I just saw the movie Hop. It was a waste of time, but the movie pretty much glorified the tradition of Easter: a bunny, eggs, basket, candy, etc. This movie didn’t at all mention Easter as Jesus being raised from the dead or anything like that, which is what I’d always correlated Easter with. Admittedly, my church did have a huge Easter egg hunt with various festivities and as I got older I began to hear arguments amongst church members and Christians in general about whether or not the church should continue the “worldly” celebration of Easter. Around the time I was in middle school, in Sunday School or Bible Summer camp, I was shown videos about the origin of Halloween and some of the demonic things that happen during Halloween and thus was convinced not to celebrate it, even though the only place I really celebrated Halloween was at the academy built by the church I was attending. I loved being able to dress up as a cat, or The Little Mermaid and of course I enjoyed candy, free candy and pillowcases full of it. I mean, COME ON! I discussed the new information I learned with my mother. I was sad, but I decided discontinue my participation of the holiday Halloween. To be honest, I actually didn’t miss it after 2 years.

After reading these versus in Colossians (Colossians 2:20, 2:16). My thoughts changed to, it’s more about the motive behind the eating and the celebration. Basically, if one is not doing the celebration as an act of worship of another god, then it may be okay for one to take part in. Like one taking part in their local gym’s yoga class for the sake that stretching increases blood flow, is calming, is good exercise and all around good for the body. But, if one begins to delve into Yoga and it’s spiritual roots, looking into it for guidance and truth, then one has crossed the line. I also began to think of the Chinese who have a BUNCH of festivals, in America, we call them Chinese festivals, of which Christian Chinese people TOTALLY celebrate.

Using the scripture to justify my giving an Easter egg basket to a child, dressing up for a Halloween party or eating ribs with a side of seafood bisque, I feel is only to take the advantage of the scripture. I believe with all things one must always seek Gd for understanding, for guidance and for truth for their individual lives. I know of a co-worker who is truly spirit led and loved to eat pork. Pork and specifically salted pork was something she craved and loved as a child. Well into her years as an adult, she began to have spasms. She didn’t know why. Then, she had a dream to stop eating pork. Since pork was a part of her average diet, she decided to not eat so much pork. While in church, in prayer at the alter, she said she heard a voice tell her, do not eat pork.  She decided not to eat bacon, but to have pork chops. Her spasms continued to the point where she had to go to the hospital. It was then that she decided she ought to stop eating pork. Now, whether or not Gd was telling her not to eat pork because it was once a law and some denominations insist Gd meant all people were clean, not necessarily the eating of foods, OR whether Gd was warning her that she was developing a serious health issue, I don’t know and don’t care. What I do believe is that Gd has a plan for every individual. And yes, even in eating. I believe Gd can give a conviction to someone to stop eating pork, just like He can give a conviction to someone to stop celebrating a festival or holiday. After reading these scriptures I plan to not just run about eagerly, willing to be part of the fun. But, I do plan to not immediately withdraw from my culture, from my friends’ parties. I plan to not put myself through a HUGE guilt trip when I do help my god sister paint eggs.

What I will remember is Colossians 3:2: Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. I will strive to think of things beyond my next paycheck, beyond my next bill, beyond my next vacation, pair of All Stars, vehicle, job, weight loss, candy corn candy binge, or moccasins and the legalities of religious denominations. Instead, I will simply think of the internal peace, joy and love Gd expects me to live my life through His glory, His mercy, His blessings and His discipline. I will pray that Gd will give me the conviction to stop doing something that I am doing and to give me the strength and will power to be obedient to the conviction He gives me.

Child Christian

I was raised in the church. I’m sure you’ve heard many people say that as have I, but I do mean that quite literally. The church my mother took me to also had a private school, an academy that began from babies to 2^nd grade. So, from infancy I went to this academy Monday through Friday, where we took part in daily devotionals in the sanctuary, where we learned our ABC’s through scripture (A. All have sinned and come short of the glory of Gd Romans 3:23), where most of the teachers were members of that church. Then on Sunday, I would return to this same location and just about the same group of adult and children at 7am for breakfast, Sunday School and Childrens’ Church and lunch. Furthermore, my mother worked for a hospital so she was always either at work, on call for work, or on her way to work.  She ended up asked one of the academy’s teachers whom I favored to babysit me. This meant, Monday after school, I would stay at the school a bit later with this woman, help her clean or set of her classroom, go home with her where we would review what I learned of the Bible and Jesus that day, pray, watch Christian television (if television at all), return to the church for Cell (Bible study) or evening service, go back to her house, listen to Moody Radio (I liked their stories) go to bed, wake up in the early morning, go to the academy to open the doors and do the whole thing over again. This woman, whom I often called Mom and till this day consider to be my mom (I feel I have two mothers). Along with the other teachers/members of the church and their children have photos of me laying in their arms, barely able to walk, then running, learning to eat, learning to write, giving Christmas speeches in the academy and in the church, graduating Kindergarten, and graduating high school. I believe I spent more time in that church from ages 1 day to 9 years old more so than my own home.  Once I entered a grade the academy did not offer, I went to a private by location school and assumed everyone was a Christian. And, just about everyone at that school was, except for the first person I met whom became my bestfriend, Samantha, Jew. When she told me she didn’t celebrate Christmas, which I didn’t even understand was an option to celebrate. When she told me she was a Jew, I responded, Oh, like Jesus. I could go on and on about being raised in a single community for the 1^st 9 years of my life and how, since those were the only people I met, I assumed everyone was likewise- nice, wanting the best for me, giving and receiving hugs, and Christian- but I think I’ll save that for my stand up routine. There was not only a breakdown of learning that there were other religions out there, but also a sudden fear of people. I began to hear stories of children being abducted, taken by this ominous “stranger”, people punching and touching children and eventually, slowly but surely, I learned that outside of that community I lived in, it was bad to be a Christian. People hated Christians. Christians were the ones that told people they were going to Hell, which people considered to be rude, and Christians considered to be stating the facts. Christians were the ones that held posters, shouted at people to obey their god, burned down abortion clinics that may or may not have been empty, and were often found to be judgmental and hypocritical. Telling someone that I was a Christian was something I was only to do after I could tell he/she was a Christian too. Though, I must admit, it is a habit and true quality of mine to pray before every meal, so If anyone was around me just before I commenced in eating, they would see me bow my head and close my eyes, and one could assume I worship Christ Jesus as Lord.

The older I became, the more strenuous it became in wanting to love Gd, being obedient to Gd, and keeping it on the “down low” that I was in fact a Gd worshipper. In this instance, when I say strenuous I’m being particular to the portion of which for some reason the world, people, expect Christians to be perfect and people are ready for, looking for, any speck, fault, or weakness they can find in a Christian to berate the Christian with. Now, I’m sure there was a faction or even decade of Christians who do walk about piously, nose in air, judging everyone that comes across their path, but for people to judge every Christian based on the one Christian they’ve met who was like that, was becoming a bit ridiculous. The reason why I specify one Christian is because, well, once I talk to this aggressively against Christians classmate about their animosity towards Christians, they usually couldn’t tell me of a time they actually witnessed a group of Christians or a church doing what this person is enraged over. AND, if they could think of a situation, it was usually a situation with one Christian. 

Because Gd Said So

Some weeks ago a friend of mine, well maybe not a friend, but genuinely someone I care for, made a point that well, was a really really good point. This point I told her I'd use in a film I was writing about 2 boys, one of whom doesn't believe in the Christian "mantra" of striving be like Jesus because it's setting oneself up for failure and he's got better things to do in his life than be constantly reminded of his shortcomings. 

My friend basically questioned, Why is it so necessary to tell Gd how awesome He is, He's Gd, I'm pretty sure He knows how awesome He is. 

As soon as she asked me, my simple Sunday School response was 2 things: 1. Because it's a commandment. 2. Why not tell someone how awesome they are? We tell football athletes how great they are all the time, either in the form of a ka-ja-billion dollars for playing, a ka-ja-billion to wear a pair of shoes, trophies, women, haircuts. We tell Bill Gates, astronauts, our own friends how smart, nice, funny, or kind they are...how important they are to our lives. I specifically recalled from Sunday School my teacher explaining to me that Gd is our father, and in the same way that we love our father, trust our father, do things for our father for the pure sake that he's our father, we are to do that much and more for Gd who is the Father of all. When broken down in that manner, to a 5-year-old whether or not they have a father (mine was void), they get it. We are born, our parents, decent ones, wipe the poop off our bums, feed us from their breast, help us walk, pull forks or plastic bottle caps from our hands and mouths, they dress us, they give us candy, they literally care, nurture, love and discipline us by the fact that they're our parent. And it is that, that causes us to automatically love them, despite the things they may do that we disagree with. And we show our love by listening to them when we don't want to, hugging them after we get the best birthday gift ever, or a hugging them for absolutely no reason at all. Very rarely do we disclaim their existence, their presence, their help, in private nor in public. We call them, send them letters, gifts, ask them for advice, all truly just by default that they're our parent(s). When this Sunday School teacher co-related the similarities of Gd the Father to our human father, the daily prayer, the random shouts of Thank Gd, or Help ME JESUS, the weekly visit to "his house" (church) and seeking Him for money, clarity, advice and etc. makes sense.  

But, I feel the true dilemma resonates in my initial thought: because it's a commandment. Why must it be a commandment? I mean, not only is it a commandment, but it's the first one: Thou shalt have no other god before thee (Exodus 20:3). Our parents don't demand that we love them. Our parents don't really demand that we call them every day or week, nor do they demand that we hug them (mine told me to get the fuc* off), buy them gifts or even claim them in private or in public. I believe we do all those loving/caring things for our parents naturally, if not naturally, we do it by familial or societal pressure/guilt, but we don't need a commandment or law in order for us to act in such a manner.

It took me weeks to think of why? Biblically speaking, why? Why does Gd command us to worship Him? I say biblically because well, anyone can come up with a good or justifiable reason for Gd doing something with just basic faith and logic, which I feel can often times result in the wrong reasoning, but Gd "gave" us the Bible for a reason; it's a source to look to for the answers for the evidence of questions we have about His will and His way. SO, biblically, not why must we worship Him, but Why does a god, THE GOD, Almighty, Most High, ALL Knowing, ALL Powerful etc. etc. demand, command that we mere humans love Him, worship Him, tell Him He's awesome?

Does He demand that we love him? I can't find that in the Bible. I don't know where it says, GOD SAYS, YOU  MUST LOVE ME! I know of the scripture in the New Testament Luke 10:27: You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

The context of that scripture, however, is on the basis of someone asking Jesus, what must I do to inherit eternal life?

So...from what I can tell, Gd doesn't command that you love Him, in fact, it seems like He's constantly advising people not to love/worship other gods for the reason that it causes people to do things that causes them to kill their children (Leviticus 18:21), scar their bodies (Leviticus 19:28 and 1 Kings 18:28), and just bad bad stuff happens. It seems more like we humans do have the option to love Him or hate Him. However, if one does want to inherit eternal life....that's a different thing, hence Luke 10:27. If you want a pair of Nikes, you need 60 bucks. If you want to live with your parents (as teenagers) you must obey their rules. One can't expect to get Nikes without money or live in their parents' house while cursing, hitting, rejecting their parents. AND essentially, if you hate your parents that much, why would you want to gain access/live in their home where you know they reside?

Does HE demand that we worship Him? I would say, yes, just based on the premise of the 1st commandment. Here is where one can say, why? Not necessarily, why is this god so special. But particularly, why does this god decide to make it a commandment to worship him? After weeks, and weeks of thinking about this. Searching my mind for what I've been taught or praying for a scripture to come to mind to explain it and well, nothing really came to mind. I can't say there was a mystical dream, voice, or sudden sermon that answered this, but it was actually something I constantly truthfully struggle with: relationship. If you remember I changed referring to the person who spawned the question from friend to a person I care for to an acquaintance. I'm terrified of relationship. I'm terrified of relationship well because it demands love. lol. Relationship expects a certain amount of responsibility to remember and act love. From this, and my inner monologue of my first-half-life crisis, which I'm not going to expel, I concluded with WHY DO I EXIST?! Why didn't Gd just kill me a long time ago when I wanted to die? And, I thought of the first person who may have asked that, the first human to have ever existed, Adam. In the standard Holy Bible, there isn't a scripture that says, Gd created humans because he wanted to have a relationship, but I believe there is enough scripture to imply that Gd did/does want to have and intended to have a relationship with us humans. I don't mean in a Gd is lonely way, but just that He loves us and wants relationship with us. Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden... Okay, so Gd walks in the garden to see Adam and Eve? Why? Had Gd been there before. I'd say yes. I'd say, Gd "hung out" in the garden, "chillin" with Adam and Eve. In the book of Enoch, it further describes angels "hanging out" with Enoch, who is the great grandfather of Noah (maybe great great grandfather)? It seems there was relationship. There was a want to see how everyone was doing, sharing what's on the mind of the other, etc. etc. After that, humans called on the Lord (Genesis 12:8). The Lord spoke to humans throughout the book of Genesis (Genesis 14) where it actually says, The Lord said to, The Lord told, The Lord spoke to...all of these being specific people, Lot, Abram, etc. Then, in Isaiah 41:8, But you Israel my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend...  So it seems initially that Gd spoke to us humans in a common relationship fashion, called us humans friend, and then identified us humans as chosen, and finally the current state, servant. 

To continue the relationship theme into the New Testament, Jesus is often OFTEN times talking about having a heart for the poor, the needy, love your neighbor has yourself, be kind rewind...just kidding about that last part. But, in Jesus' constant preaching of love, he's insinuating that we humans ended up putting love on the back burner and it should be in the front burner to do what? Have relationship with our fellow brothers and sisters, which is what he also calls people around him. 

I would say that humans loving Gd and showing it through various forms of affection: the 5 love languages possibly: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch (5 Love Languages)., was the norm, was supposed to be the norm, and then something happened. However, Gd's longing to walk amongst us still remained, but because of impurities brought on by sin, He could no longer. And the farther we went from Him, the more poisonous we became to ourselves, and that made Gd sad first (Genesis :5-6) and then angry with particular individuals as well as nations: Solomon, Israelites (Book of Exodus). All in all, Gd wants to have a relationship with us, and after a series of events, He had to discipline/guidelines us to just be healthy, and then when the discipline/guidelines wasn't enough there were rules. Rule number 1 I think wasn't specifically no worship of other gods, but more of a respect the hand that feeds you, no more walking away from me when I'm talking to you, no more talking back... And as said before, in a relationship, in a relationship with a human being we care about, a human being who has given us a gift, or brought us into this world, we do exercise some of the 5 love languages with them, and Gd wants to get in on that love. I believe, in thinking about our creation, it's still an option, you don't have to if you don't want to; in thinking about the New Testament, a true sign of respect, honor and love of Gd is worshiping him (telling Him he's awesome). It is done not because of the 1st commandment or any commandment or hopes of getting into heaven, but is done because you want to. It is done out of the sincerity and genuineness of the heart. This is why Jesus speaks of the Pharisees as being scripture fed people or works led people and to beware of that, of being legalistic, striving to earn one's way to heaven or putting aside caring for a hurting brother or sister because your are a priest, doctor, or it's the Sabbath. This is why Jesus speaks against the bell being rang with someone gives an offering and suggests to instead give an offering in secret for the Lord sees you always. This is why Gd has said I look not on appearances, but on the inside. This is why Jesus tells the story of a stranger taking care of a hurting person and calling the helper and neighbor and friend when the hurting person's own race, nation and family wouldn't help. (Matthew 6:4, 1st Corinthians 8:11, 2nd Corinthians 9:8, Matthew 16, Luke 10, 1 Samuel 16:7) Because it's not about titles, blood lines, knowledge, smarts, doing something out of guilt, out of obedience or out of command, but in the hearts desire to love. The desire to want to show love and to actually show love to your neighbor and to your parent, to Gd. And it is through showing love that you develop relationship, a relationship that Gd wants to have with his children, us humans. 

SO, does a god who is Almighty, ALL Powerful and etc. to need to be told how awesome he/she is? Not the Christian Gd. I don't think Gd needs us for anything. He wants to have a relationship with His children. Does He demand that we love Him. Nope. Does He demand that we serve no other gods before Him. Yes. But, does that means He wants us to do so because He told us to? Or does He actually just want us to do it because we appreciate all that He has done, is doing and will do for our lives, which is to protect us from all harm, to love us unconditionally, and give us life and more life abundantly (John 10:10)? I'd say, it's not about the command, but about the will. I'd say Gd is awesome cause He is AWESOME. I'd say He's done more for me and has been nicer to me than my own mother and for that I should tell Him hi a bit more often. I'd say if I could give him a hug and kiss, I'd gladly do so everyday because I'd know He would never have malice or deceptive thoughts for me or my life. I give money to my mother and rake her yard out of responsibility, guilt and spite because she's my mother and that's what you do despite the fact that she constantly makes my life difficult, sets out to do so. Giving a measly 10 %, which is significantly less than the tip I give to an average waiter, from my paycheck and volunteering to work with the church kids, pass food out in the church kitchen or clean the pews, is a few hours of my life I gladly give to the one who fulfills promises even if I do disobey and promises more promises even though I don't deserve them. No, I don't think it's about the command demanded to be fulfilled, but about the will from the happiness, the joy of a child's heart.

What is God?

Today, an acquaintance of mind asked me about simplifying all the ten commandments because ten is just too many. I briefly recalled a similar question being asked or given to Jesus from the Pharisees or disciples. Where and if it was actually Jesus who answered, unfortunately I could not remember, but I recalled the conversation ending with something like: of the greatest of these is love.

To love, I told this acquaintance. I told him to love. He, who insisted he did not believe in God, a god, but constantly asked me about such matter with a visibly and always privately earnest manner, then asked, "Who or what is God". I assumed he asked what is particularly because I'd always spoken about my Indian side and how my father always called Gd, Creator. My acquaintance asked me how did I know, how could I be certain, was a spirit I felt, a feeling. It caused me to think because well, as someone raised in the Christian faith, I never thought about there not being a Gd. As someone learning what is means to be a Christian, for myself, separate from my family, I've wondered was Gd some sort of spirit too or that moment when I get goosebumps all over for seemingly no reason. I thought about the biblical truth, since I believe the Bible. All that came to my mind was my memory verse: God is love 1 John 4:8. Upon learning that verse, it alone was enough to continue my joyful life. But my acquaintance, no.

He continued, Well, what does that mean? Yes, the word Gd or jet the use of Gd and the word love is what us English folks would call an abstract word, maybe even a cliche. Abstract words are not concrete, they don't have a clear meaning or understanding just like the word freedom, fun or pretty. We would instruct our students to stop using these simple, go-to and empty words and push themselves to describe what they were truly feeling. So, yes, I agreed with my friend....what the heck did that mean? There is an answer for that. It could be an app, but it's basically a Bible.

Did you know that scholars have agreed that the Bible is the only religious text with a worldview that answers life's 4 fundamental questions in fullness, correspondence and coherence? The 4 questions being: origin, meaning, morality, destiny.

Anyway, since, I'm not the best Christian in the world, I only knew the verse to be in 1 Corinthians and it began with some "love is patient, love is kind" pattern. Thank Gd, Jesus & Jobs for iPhones 'cause we were able to look it up. It's 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind... we found it and I realized how long it'd been since I read from my Lord, what love really is. I also suddenly realized that it's much more than that patient, kind stuff. "...love is not envious, boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Half of these things I've seen in my own friendships, intimate relationships and the relationships of those around me. Something rubbed me the wrong way in some relationships and I couldn't tell why and it's right here. Because the person insisted on their own way. Because I was irritable and boastful. Because my parents are resentful. Because my co-worker rejoices in wrongdoing. Most importantly, most emphatically, what made me love this verse, sit in a moment of love and reverence of Gd is the portion. It all ends with, "Love never ends."

Amen.

Thank you Lord for love. Thank you Lord for loving me. I've felt so alone. So ugly. So much like a failure. So not smart enough. And honestly, like I've ignored YOU, taken YOU for granted, thought I got this. Thought I knew what love was. But it is you who is love, it is you who is not boastful, rude, hopes the best for me, endures my stupidity, it is you who has promised to never leave me, to always love me. Love, true love, never ends.