Ana

Someone, a friend, gave me this verse many months ago. They told me the verse, and I quickly forgot it. People give people verses all the time and all under the pretense of...Gd gave this one to me and I'ma give it to you or...I came across this and didn't know why. I didn't forget this person's verse on purpose, I just don't memorize things when said once.

Today, I found myself listening to an array of party music, which is odd for me, but anyway, I found myself very very sad. Not depressed, just sad. Sad because I haven't partied in a long time. Sad because I don't even have enough money to party. I don't even have friends or a place to go to party nor would I be able to party the way I want to. I'm not going to get into how when I party or say party, anyone who knows me, obviously knows I'm not talking about getting drunk or high. But, these party songs are all happy go lucky songs. These songs are actually hopeful, whether with a person or single. These songs are all about enjoying the moments of being amongst friends and etc. And...my life is just not there, I haven't felt it there in a long time, and I have a feeling it won't be there for a long time.

I know music has the power to truly change your spirit and give you...ideas, so should I just stop listening to this music?

Either way, it is in this sadness that one is supposed to seek Gd. I didn't want to read my Bible. I didn't even feel like praying. But, I remembered Ana. I remember Ana always telling me and her texts ending with Joshua 1:9. It is: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Was I in a moment of not being strong? yes, Was I in a moment of not being courageous? Probably. Gd has apparently instructed me to be the opposite. Was I afraid at the time? Yes, afraid of never making it, afraid of never finishing any of my projects in due time, afraid of never losing weight and specifically becoming fit and toned, afraid of never being able to restore my skin, afraid that literally next year I wouldn't have a new car, or a apartment, or a  house, or a career let alone be traveling to a certain country to help certain human beings. Was I discouraged? terribly.

Did this scripture help? "for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go" It does, a little. I know I am not alone. I know what He is willing to help. I know that He knows....I do in fact feel alone.