Ana

Someone, a friend, gave me this verse many months ago. They told me the verse, and I quickly forgot it. People give people verses all the time and all under the pretense of...Gd gave this one to me and I'ma give it to you or...I came across this and didn't know why. I didn't forget this person's verse on purpose, I just don't memorize things when said once.

Today, I found myself listening to an array of party music, which is odd for me, but anyway, I found myself very very sad. Not depressed, just sad. Sad because I haven't partied in a long time. Sad because I don't even have enough money to party. I don't even have friends or a place to go to party nor would I be able to party the way I want to. I'm not going to get into how when I party or say party, anyone who knows me, obviously knows I'm not talking about getting drunk or high. But, these party songs are all happy go lucky songs. These songs are actually hopeful, whether with a person or single. These songs are all about enjoying the moments of being amongst friends and etc. And...my life is just not there, I haven't felt it there in a long time, and I have a feeling it won't be there for a long time.

I know music has the power to truly change your spirit and give you...ideas, so should I just stop listening to this music?

Either way, it is in this sadness that one is supposed to seek Gd. I didn't want to read my Bible. I didn't even feel like praying. But, I remembered Ana. I remember Ana always telling me and her texts ending with Joshua 1:9. It is: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Was I in a moment of not being strong? yes, Was I in a moment of not being courageous? Probably. Gd has apparently instructed me to be the opposite. Was I afraid at the time? Yes, afraid of never making it, afraid of never finishing any of my projects in due time, afraid of never losing weight and specifically becoming fit and toned, afraid of never being able to restore my skin, afraid that literally next year I wouldn't have a new car, or a apartment, or a  house, or a career let alone be traveling to a certain country to help certain human beings. Was I discouraged? terribly.

Did this scripture help? "for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go" It does, a little. I know I am not alone. I know what He is willing to help. I know that He knows....I do in fact feel alone.

Selective Hearing, Selective Christianity

Christianity, it's like a buffet, you take what you want, you leave what you don't. 

                                                                             - a bunch of people

Throughout my Christian life, I’ve generally heard of the whole, men are the head of the household, women are the weaker being, women are to submit to their husbands. But, the basis of scripture for these types of teaching, I know not where they come from, but I’ve always known that there are some poignant things said in the latter books/ letters by Paul in the Bible. In knowing that those letters said something more poignantly about the behavior of women, I admit that I steered clear of them. I didn’t want to know what they said. I didn’t want to hear such words that may support the beating of women or demand that I wear a long sleeve turtleneck dress all the way down to my toes with a scarf to cover my hair and most of my face. I didn’t want to hear it, read it, know it, so I avoided it. I figured, if I didn’t hear it, read it, know it, then I’m not accountable to it and I’m definitely not accountable to having to change my life over it

I am guilty of selective obedience. I am guilty of selective Christianity.

1^st Timothy 2:9

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

1^st  Timothy 2:11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through child bearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

HO-LY CRAP! What? It actually says that? The Bible? And not just the Bible, but specifically the New Testament, cause I know the Old Testament has got a bunch of crazy stuff in it, that…man, sucks for Jews. But, seriously, I mean, how does one explain this? I mean, how, what, WHAT?!

Okay, so, the latter letters by Paul were usually about the specifics as to the organization of the church. At this point, there began to form a sort of trend of service. There was a welcome, announcements, etc. There was a need for a widow ministry, a childrens’ ministry, etc. And leaders needed to be appointed, and overall organization was needed. I guess even things like who can pray, who can’t pray. Who can prophesize and who can’t, which even that, I don’t understand because prophecy was/is seen as a gift given by Gd, so if a female has the gift, is some man allowed to just come along and say, “Hey STOPPIT, that stuff is only us men. “?

Jeez… women should learn in quietness and full submission? What the heck does that mean? It cannot mean shut up and sit down and do as I say. It can’t. Can it? And this is the point where I struggle. Because, I’m choosing not to believe that. I’m choosing not to believe this women should learn in quietness and full of submission part. But, then, wouldn’t it be a sin? For me to decide (valley girl voice): I don’t get it, I don’t like it, so I’m not gonna practice it. I mean, it’s not like I’m standing up in church interrupting the pastor and telling people I don’t feel like sitting down. Isn’t that just general etiquette, anyway? But, if it is general, why does Paul specifically, specify women? “A woman should learn in quietness and in full submission”. Are men not learning in quietness? I don’t get it. Then, there’s the “I do not permit any woman to teach or to have any authority over a man”. This explains why for so long in many, many Christian denominations one would not see a female preacher in the pulpit. To be honest, when I see it, I cringe a little. I’m still not used to it. It’s just not done. Not that I don’t believe a woman has the power or gift to teach, HECK, ALL of my Sunday School teachers were women, ALL of my Christian Academy teachers were women. Is that due to women trying to take authority? Or is that due to men seeing it, teaching, essentially, was /is a woman’s job? But, all of a sudden, when we become adults, when the word “really matters” all of a sudden, men want to take the stage, and are the only ones whom are permitted to do so? 

What I AM confused about, is the fact that the first members of the church were women. WOMEN and while Paul was there, he even mentions to respect and listen to the word of some women…Priscilla is the only name that comes to mind now (she and her husband Aquillis? Romans 16) So…what’s going on? What’s going on that THIS time, in THIS letter, in THIS church, where Paul is suddenly…ugh moving on. “For Adam was created first”? “…it was the woman whom was deceived”? Yeah…okay, so…the woman was deceived….what was Adam’s excuse? He wasn’t deceived and ate the fruit anyway, which to me is a bit “more of a sin” than to mistake ‘cause someone tricked you. Seriously, what was Adam’s excuse for doing it? Was it not deliberate? So, those who are tricked into making mistakes can’t talk, but those who do it willingly and deliberately can? (squinting eyes…raised eye brow, now head supported by fist under chin)

Okay, I need to calm down. This is the Holy Bible, the inspired word of Gd I’m talking about, I can’t just blow up like that. I must maintain some sort of reverence. Am I really to respect this sort of reasoning? Because the man was first? That’s it? I had a student who wrote in his essay about I don’t know what, but he wrote, “It is true that Gd created man first, but I believe He got it right the second time around.” So cute, so sweet, and so what I needed to hear in this male dominated society that thinks men are awesome just because they have a tentacle shooting out of their stomach that many of them can’t control, themselves, oh and they were created first. Jeez… I’m upset. Maybe I should come to this later. 

P.S Eating Pork And Halloween Candy

Today I read 1st Timothy and found something else in support of not harping on the regulating of oneself to abstain from foods for fear of religious impurity.

1 Timothy 4:3, well, I'm gonna start from 1st Timothy 4.

The Spirit clearly states that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

It's interesting, I didn't know there was such repetition of it's okay to it, it's okay to eat. It makes me wonder what were the people going through at that time that Paul had to constantly repeat, you can eat pork, you can eat food that was for the sacrifice of Zeus cause Gd has made pork clean like he has made all peoples clean and Zeus doesn't exist anyway. 

Like, were people putting themselves through guilt trips after eating pork? Where they in such a guilt trip that they would stop going to church, abandon Gd, and just start drinking? Or, where people trying to stone the members of their church who were not Jewish, wanting to worship Gd, but still maintained their Gentile eating habits of eating pork. And the people would then tell them, well, you haven't really died to your sins, you're not really a real Christian anyway. HA, actually, I bet that is what happened. Which is the same thing we have today, thus hundreds of denominations of Christianity, I guess. Hahaha, Jesus, will we ever grow up?

-Lisa

Eating Pork And Halloween Candy

Today, I came across a scripture that supports, what came to my mind, the eating of pork. In the Old Testament, I believe Deuteronomy 14:8, pork as well as other foods was forbidden to ingest or a particular way to eat foods were forbidden (Deuteronomy 14:21).

This is the scripture: Colossians 2:20: Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Now, prior to this book there is the scene in Luke in which the disciple Paul sees a white blanket descending from the sky and upon the blanket are animals of all kinds, forbidden and permitted, and a voice from Heaven commands Paul to eat. Three times Paul says something like no, I will not eat of these Lord for you have deemed them unclean and I will not profane my body with ingesting these foods. The Lord replies to Paul, do not call impure what I have made clean. In fact, there is a scene with Jesus and the Pharisees where Jesus basically tells the Pharisees that eating something doesn’t make you unclean, it’s the poop that comes out that’s unclean. (Matthew 15:11).

I’ve never had an issue with eating pork. I either eat it because I want to or because I don’t want to. Generally, I don’t favor pork, I find it to be extremely salty and difficult to exercise off.  Additionally, I have no qualms with certain Christian denominations that have decided to abstain from those foods or ways of cooking that were previously forbidden. And I do not try to change that person’s mind about the Lord deeming the food acceptable (Romans 14:21). But, when joining Colossians 2:20 with Colossians 2:16: Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.

These scriptures seemed to release a bit of chains on my conscience when it came to my American Indian ancestry and my wanting to dress up in a costume from time to time, but finding that to be an acceptable behavior only around Halloween.

My culture has several festivals and celebrations that as I became an adult, I became to question whether or not they would be acceptable to part take in the eyes of Gd. I began to shave away some holidays, some songs and some stories. I ended up breaking down and asking, well, then what am I? What makes me me? My history, culture, reasons for select greetings, eating and dressing were now forbidden because well, the tradition resides in something other than the Christian god. For this reason, I avoided my family, not knowing how to ask them, not knowing what to say or do, not knowing well, what else to do. The more I looked into what else to do or what there was to do that was deemed “okay”, the more White or European everything was. Why? Must one speak English and be White in order to be a good Christian? Suddenly, I understood the resonating voice from one of the first missionaries to attempt to convert the Sioux, “In order to make a Christian out of an Indian is to take the Indian out of the Indian”.

Must one abstain from their culture to be a Christian? This was confusing, disheartening and really, really boring. But, how to justify my longing to simply have fun? How to justify the fun of dressing up as a pirate or mermaid, yes, even into adulthood? It’s super fun! I like dressing up and pretending to be different characters and since I can’t seem to acquire that as a daily job (actress) I have to time the dressing up very well, a costume party, which are rare and few between until Halloween.

Furthermore, I just saw the movie Hop. It was a waste of time, but the movie pretty much glorified the tradition of Easter: a bunny, eggs, basket, candy, etc. This movie didn’t at all mention Easter as Jesus being raised from the dead or anything like that, which is what I’d always correlated Easter with. Admittedly, my church did have a huge Easter egg hunt with various festivities and as I got older I began to hear arguments amongst church members and Christians in general about whether or not the church should continue the “worldly” celebration of Easter. Around the time I was in middle school, in Sunday School or Bible Summer camp, I was shown videos about the origin of Halloween and some of the demonic things that happen during Halloween and thus was convinced not to celebrate it, even though the only place I really celebrated Halloween was at the academy built by the church I was attending. I loved being able to dress up as a cat, or The Little Mermaid and of course I enjoyed candy, free candy and pillowcases full of it. I mean, COME ON! I discussed the new information I learned with my mother. I was sad, but I decided discontinue my participation of the holiday Halloween. To be honest, I actually didn’t miss it after 2 years.

After reading these versus in Colossians (Colossians 2:20, 2:16). My thoughts changed to, it’s more about the motive behind the eating and the celebration. Basically, if one is not doing the celebration as an act of worship of another god, then it may be okay for one to take part in. Like one taking part in their local gym’s yoga class for the sake that stretching increases blood flow, is calming, is good exercise and all around good for the body. But, if one begins to delve into Yoga and it’s spiritual roots, looking into it for guidance and truth, then one has crossed the line. I also began to think of the Chinese who have a BUNCH of festivals, in America, we call them Chinese festivals, of which Christian Chinese people TOTALLY celebrate.

Using the scripture to justify my giving an Easter egg basket to a child, dressing up for a Halloween party or eating ribs with a side of seafood bisque, I feel is only to take the advantage of the scripture. I believe with all things one must always seek Gd for understanding, for guidance and for truth for their individual lives. I know of a co-worker who is truly spirit led and loved to eat pork. Pork and specifically salted pork was something she craved and loved as a child. Well into her years as an adult, she began to have spasms. She didn’t know why. Then, she had a dream to stop eating pork. Since pork was a part of her average diet, she decided to not eat so much pork. While in church, in prayer at the alter, she said she heard a voice tell her, do not eat pork.  She decided not to eat bacon, but to have pork chops. Her spasms continued to the point where she had to go to the hospital. It was then that she decided she ought to stop eating pork. Now, whether or not Gd was telling her not to eat pork because it was once a law and some denominations insist Gd meant all people were clean, not necessarily the eating of foods, OR whether Gd was warning her that she was developing a serious health issue, I don’t know and don’t care. What I do believe is that Gd has a plan for every individual. And yes, even in eating. I believe Gd can give a conviction to someone to stop eating pork, just like He can give a conviction to someone to stop celebrating a festival or holiday. After reading these scriptures I plan to not just run about eagerly, willing to be part of the fun. But, I do plan to not immediately withdraw from my culture, from my friends’ parties. I plan to not put myself through a HUGE guilt trip when I do help my god sister paint eggs.

What I will remember is Colossians 3:2: Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. I will strive to think of things beyond my next paycheck, beyond my next bill, beyond my next vacation, pair of All Stars, vehicle, job, weight loss, candy corn candy binge, or moccasins and the legalities of religious denominations. Instead, I will simply think of the internal peace, joy and love Gd expects me to live my life through His glory, His mercy, His blessings and His discipline. I will pray that Gd will give me the conviction to stop doing something that I am doing and to give me the strength and will power to be obedient to the conviction He gives me.

Child Christian

I was raised in the church. I’m sure you’ve heard many people say that as have I, but I do mean that quite literally. The church my mother took me to also had a private school, an academy that began from babies to 2^nd grade. So, from infancy I went to this academy Monday through Friday, where we took part in daily devotionals in the sanctuary, where we learned our ABC’s through scripture (A. All have sinned and come short of the glory of Gd Romans 3:23), where most of the teachers were members of that church. Then on Sunday, I would return to this same location and just about the same group of adult and children at 7am for breakfast, Sunday School and Childrens’ Church and lunch. Furthermore, my mother worked for a hospital so she was always either at work, on call for work, or on her way to work.  She ended up asked one of the academy’s teachers whom I favored to babysit me. This meant, Monday after school, I would stay at the school a bit later with this woman, help her clean or set of her classroom, go home with her where we would review what I learned of the Bible and Jesus that day, pray, watch Christian television (if television at all), return to the church for Cell (Bible study) or evening service, go back to her house, listen to Moody Radio (I liked their stories) go to bed, wake up in the early morning, go to the academy to open the doors and do the whole thing over again. This woman, whom I often called Mom and till this day consider to be my mom (I feel I have two mothers). Along with the other teachers/members of the church and their children have photos of me laying in their arms, barely able to walk, then running, learning to eat, learning to write, giving Christmas speeches in the academy and in the church, graduating Kindergarten, and graduating high school. I believe I spent more time in that church from ages 1 day to 9 years old more so than my own home.  Once I entered a grade the academy did not offer, I went to a private by location school and assumed everyone was a Christian. And, just about everyone at that school was, except for the first person I met whom became my bestfriend, Samantha, Jew. When she told me she didn’t celebrate Christmas, which I didn’t even understand was an option to celebrate. When she told me she was a Jew, I responded, Oh, like Jesus. I could go on and on about being raised in a single community for the 1^st 9 years of my life and how, since those were the only people I met, I assumed everyone was likewise- nice, wanting the best for me, giving and receiving hugs, and Christian- but I think I’ll save that for my stand up routine. There was not only a breakdown of learning that there were other religions out there, but also a sudden fear of people. I began to hear stories of children being abducted, taken by this ominous “stranger”, people punching and touching children and eventually, slowly but surely, I learned that outside of that community I lived in, it was bad to be a Christian. People hated Christians. Christians were the ones that told people they were going to Hell, which people considered to be rude, and Christians considered to be stating the facts. Christians were the ones that held posters, shouted at people to obey their god, burned down abortion clinics that may or may not have been empty, and were often found to be judgmental and hypocritical. Telling someone that I was a Christian was something I was only to do after I could tell he/she was a Christian too. Though, I must admit, it is a habit and true quality of mine to pray before every meal, so If anyone was around me just before I commenced in eating, they would see me bow my head and close my eyes, and one could assume I worship Christ Jesus as Lord.

The older I became, the more strenuous it became in wanting to love Gd, being obedient to Gd, and keeping it on the “down low” that I was in fact a Gd worshipper. In this instance, when I say strenuous I’m being particular to the portion of which for some reason the world, people, expect Christians to be perfect and people are ready for, looking for, any speck, fault, or weakness they can find in a Christian to berate the Christian with. Now, I’m sure there was a faction or even decade of Christians who do walk about piously, nose in air, judging everyone that comes across their path, but for people to judge every Christian based on the one Christian they’ve met who was like that, was becoming a bit ridiculous. The reason why I specify one Christian is because, well, once I talk to this aggressively against Christians classmate about their animosity towards Christians, they usually couldn’t tell me of a time they actually witnessed a group of Christians or a church doing what this person is enraged over. AND, if they could think of a situation, it was usually a situation with one Christian.