Because Gd Said So

Some weeks ago a friend of mine, well maybe not a friend, but genuinely someone I care for, made a point that well, was a really really good point. This point I told her I'd use in a film I was writing about 2 boys, one of whom doesn't believe in the Christian "mantra" of striving be like Jesus because it's setting oneself up for failure and he's got better things to do in his life than be constantly reminded of his shortcomings. 

My friend basically questioned, Why is it so necessary to tell Gd how awesome He is, He's Gd, I'm pretty sure He knows how awesome He is. 

As soon as she asked me, my simple Sunday School response was 2 things: 1. Because it's a commandment. 2. Why not tell someone how awesome they are? We tell football athletes how great they are all the time, either in the form of a ka-ja-billion dollars for playing, a ka-ja-billion to wear a pair of shoes, trophies, women, haircuts. We tell Bill Gates, astronauts, our own friends how smart, nice, funny, or kind they are...how important they are to our lives. I specifically recalled from Sunday School my teacher explaining to me that Gd is our father, and in the same way that we love our father, trust our father, do things for our father for the pure sake that he's our father, we are to do that much and more for Gd who is the Father of all. When broken down in that manner, to a 5-year-old whether or not they have a father (mine was void), they get it. We are born, our parents, decent ones, wipe the poop off our bums, feed us from their breast, help us walk, pull forks or plastic bottle caps from our hands and mouths, they dress us, they give us candy, they literally care, nurture, love and discipline us by the fact that they're our parent. And it is that, that causes us to automatically love them, despite the things they may do that we disagree with. And we show our love by listening to them when we don't want to, hugging them after we get the best birthday gift ever, or a hugging them for absolutely no reason at all. Very rarely do we disclaim their existence, their presence, their help, in private nor in public. We call them, send them letters, gifts, ask them for advice, all truly just by default that they're our parent(s). When this Sunday School teacher co-related the similarities of Gd the Father to our human father, the daily prayer, the random shouts of Thank Gd, or Help ME JESUS, the weekly visit to "his house" (church) and seeking Him for money, clarity, advice and etc. makes sense.  

But, I feel the true dilemma resonates in my initial thought: because it's a commandment. Why must it be a commandment? I mean, not only is it a commandment, but it's the first one: Thou shalt have no other god before thee (Exodus 20:3). Our parents don't demand that we love them. Our parents don't really demand that we call them every day or week, nor do they demand that we hug them (mine told me to get the fuc* off), buy them gifts or even claim them in private or in public. I believe we do all those loving/caring things for our parents naturally, if not naturally, we do it by familial or societal pressure/guilt, but we don't need a commandment or law in order for us to act in such a manner.

It took me weeks to think of why? Biblically speaking, why? Why does Gd command us to worship Him? I say biblically because well, anyone can come up with a good or justifiable reason for Gd doing something with just basic faith and logic, which I feel can often times result in the wrong reasoning, but Gd "gave" us the Bible for a reason; it's a source to look to for the answers for the evidence of questions we have about His will and His way. SO, biblically, not why must we worship Him, but Why does a god, THE GOD, Almighty, Most High, ALL Knowing, ALL Powerful etc. etc. demand, command that we mere humans love Him, worship Him, tell Him He's awesome?

Does He demand that we love him? I can't find that in the Bible. I don't know where it says, GOD SAYS, YOU  MUST LOVE ME! I know of the scripture in the New Testament Luke 10:27: You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

The context of that scripture, however, is on the basis of someone asking Jesus, what must I do to inherit eternal life?

So...from what I can tell, Gd doesn't command that you love Him, in fact, it seems like He's constantly advising people not to love/worship other gods for the reason that it causes people to do things that causes them to kill their children (Leviticus 18:21), scar their bodies (Leviticus 19:28 and 1 Kings 18:28), and just bad bad stuff happens. It seems more like we humans do have the option to love Him or hate Him. However, if one does want to inherit eternal life....that's a different thing, hence Luke 10:27. If you want a pair of Nikes, you need 60 bucks. If you want to live with your parents (as teenagers) you must obey their rules. One can't expect to get Nikes without money or live in their parents' house while cursing, hitting, rejecting their parents. AND essentially, if you hate your parents that much, why would you want to gain access/live in their home where you know they reside?

Does HE demand that we worship Him? I would say, yes, just based on the premise of the 1st commandment. Here is where one can say, why? Not necessarily, why is this god so special. But particularly, why does this god decide to make it a commandment to worship him? After weeks, and weeks of thinking about this. Searching my mind for what I've been taught or praying for a scripture to come to mind to explain it and well, nothing really came to mind. I can't say there was a mystical dream, voice, or sudden sermon that answered this, but it was actually something I constantly truthfully struggle with: relationship. If you remember I changed referring to the person who spawned the question from friend to a person I care for to an acquaintance. I'm terrified of relationship. I'm terrified of relationship well because it demands love. lol. Relationship expects a certain amount of responsibility to remember and act love. From this, and my inner monologue of my first-half-life crisis, which I'm not going to expel, I concluded with WHY DO I EXIST?! Why didn't Gd just kill me a long time ago when I wanted to die? And, I thought of the first person who may have asked that, the first human to have ever existed, Adam. In the standard Holy Bible, there isn't a scripture that says, Gd created humans because he wanted to have a relationship, but I believe there is enough scripture to imply that Gd did/does want to have and intended to have a relationship with us humans. I don't mean in a Gd is lonely way, but just that He loves us and wants relationship with us. Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden... Okay, so Gd walks in the garden to see Adam and Eve? Why? Had Gd been there before. I'd say yes. I'd say, Gd "hung out" in the garden, "chillin" with Adam and Eve. In the book of Enoch, it further describes angels "hanging out" with Enoch, who is the great grandfather of Noah (maybe great great grandfather)? It seems there was relationship. There was a want to see how everyone was doing, sharing what's on the mind of the other, etc. etc. After that, humans called on the Lord (Genesis 12:8). The Lord spoke to humans throughout the book of Genesis (Genesis 14) where it actually says, The Lord said to, The Lord told, The Lord spoke to...all of these being specific people, Lot, Abram, etc. Then, in Isaiah 41:8, But you Israel my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend...  So it seems initially that Gd spoke to us humans in a common relationship fashion, called us humans friend, and then identified us humans as chosen, and finally the current state, servant. 

To continue the relationship theme into the New Testament, Jesus is often OFTEN times talking about having a heart for the poor, the needy, love your neighbor has yourself, be kind rewind...just kidding about that last part. But, in Jesus' constant preaching of love, he's insinuating that we humans ended up putting love on the back burner and it should be in the front burner to do what? Have relationship with our fellow brothers and sisters, which is what he also calls people around him. 

I would say that humans loving Gd and showing it through various forms of affection: the 5 love languages possibly: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch (5 Love Languages)., was the norm, was supposed to be the norm, and then something happened. However, Gd's longing to walk amongst us still remained, but because of impurities brought on by sin, He could no longer. And the farther we went from Him, the more poisonous we became to ourselves, and that made Gd sad first (Genesis :5-6) and then angry with particular individuals as well as nations: Solomon, Israelites (Book of Exodus). All in all, Gd wants to have a relationship with us, and after a series of events, He had to discipline/guidelines us to just be healthy, and then when the discipline/guidelines wasn't enough there were rules. Rule number 1 I think wasn't specifically no worship of other gods, but more of a respect the hand that feeds you, no more walking away from me when I'm talking to you, no more talking back... And as said before, in a relationship, in a relationship with a human being we care about, a human being who has given us a gift, or brought us into this world, we do exercise some of the 5 love languages with them, and Gd wants to get in on that love. I believe, in thinking about our creation, it's still an option, you don't have to if you don't want to; in thinking about the New Testament, a true sign of respect, honor and love of Gd is worshiping him (telling Him he's awesome). It is done not because of the 1st commandment or any commandment or hopes of getting into heaven, but is done because you want to. It is done out of the sincerity and genuineness of the heart. This is why Jesus speaks of the Pharisees as being scripture fed people or works led people and to beware of that, of being legalistic, striving to earn one's way to heaven or putting aside caring for a hurting brother or sister because your are a priest, doctor, or it's the Sabbath. This is why Jesus speaks against the bell being rang with someone gives an offering and suggests to instead give an offering in secret for the Lord sees you always. This is why Gd has said I look not on appearances, but on the inside. This is why Jesus tells the story of a stranger taking care of a hurting person and calling the helper and neighbor and friend when the hurting person's own race, nation and family wouldn't help. (Matthew 6:4, 1st Corinthians 8:11, 2nd Corinthians 9:8, Matthew 16, Luke 10, 1 Samuel 16:7) Because it's not about titles, blood lines, knowledge, smarts, doing something out of guilt, out of obedience or out of command, but in the hearts desire to love. The desire to want to show love and to actually show love to your neighbor and to your parent, to Gd. And it is through showing love that you develop relationship, a relationship that Gd wants to have with his children, us humans. 

SO, does a god who is Almighty, ALL Powerful and etc. to need to be told how awesome he/she is? Not the Christian Gd. I don't think Gd needs us for anything. He wants to have a relationship with His children. Does He demand that we love Him. Nope. Does He demand that we serve no other gods before Him. Yes. But, does that means He wants us to do so because He told us to? Or does He actually just want us to do it because we appreciate all that He has done, is doing and will do for our lives, which is to protect us from all harm, to love us unconditionally, and give us life and more life abundantly (John 10:10)? I'd say, it's not about the command, but about the will. I'd say Gd is awesome cause He is AWESOME. I'd say He's done more for me and has been nicer to me than my own mother and for that I should tell Him hi a bit more often. I'd say if I could give him a hug and kiss, I'd gladly do so everyday because I'd know He would never have malice or deceptive thoughts for me or my life. I give money to my mother and rake her yard out of responsibility, guilt and spite because she's my mother and that's what you do despite the fact that she constantly makes my life difficult, sets out to do so. Giving a measly 10 %, which is significantly less than the tip I give to an average waiter, from my paycheck and volunteering to work with the church kids, pass food out in the church kitchen or clean the pews, is a few hours of my life I gladly give to the one who fulfills promises even if I do disobey and promises more promises even though I don't deserve them. No, I don't think it's about the command demanded to be fulfilled, but about the will from the happiness, the joy of a child's heart.

What is God?

Today, an acquaintance of mind asked me about simplifying all the ten commandments because ten is just too many. I briefly recalled a similar question being asked or given to Jesus from the Pharisees or disciples. Where and if it was actually Jesus who answered, unfortunately I could not remember, but I recalled the conversation ending with something like: of the greatest of these is love.

To love, I told this acquaintance. I told him to love. He, who insisted he did not believe in God, a god, but constantly asked me about such matter with a visibly and always privately earnest manner, then asked, "Who or what is God". I assumed he asked what is particularly because I'd always spoken about my Indian side and how my father always called Gd, Creator. My acquaintance asked me how did I know, how could I be certain, was a spirit I felt, a feeling. It caused me to think because well, as someone raised in the Christian faith, I never thought about there not being a Gd. As someone learning what is means to be a Christian, for myself, separate from my family, I've wondered was Gd some sort of spirit too or that moment when I get goosebumps all over for seemingly no reason. I thought about the biblical truth, since I believe the Bible. All that came to my mind was my memory verse: God is love 1 John 4:8. Upon learning that verse, it alone was enough to continue my joyful life. But my acquaintance, no.

He continued, Well, what does that mean? Yes, the word Gd or jet the use of Gd and the word love is what us English folks would call an abstract word, maybe even a cliche. Abstract words are not concrete, they don't have a clear meaning or understanding just like the word freedom, fun or pretty. We would instruct our students to stop using these simple, go-to and empty words and push themselves to describe what they were truly feeling. So, yes, I agreed with my friend....what the heck did that mean? There is an answer for that. It could be an app, but it's basically a Bible.

Did you know that scholars have agreed that the Bible is the only religious text with a worldview that answers life's 4 fundamental questions in fullness, correspondence and coherence? The 4 questions being: origin, meaning, morality, destiny.

Anyway, since, I'm not the best Christian in the world, I only knew the verse to be in 1 Corinthians and it began with some "love is patient, love is kind" pattern. Thank Gd, Jesus & Jobs for iPhones 'cause we were able to look it up. It's 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind... we found it and I realized how long it'd been since I read from my Lord, what love really is. I also suddenly realized that it's much more than that patient, kind stuff. "...love is not envious, boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Half of these things I've seen in my own friendships, intimate relationships and the relationships of those around me. Something rubbed me the wrong way in some relationships and I couldn't tell why and it's right here. Because the person insisted on their own way. Because I was irritable and boastful. Because my parents are resentful. Because my co-worker rejoices in wrongdoing. Most importantly, most emphatically, what made me love this verse, sit in a moment of love and reverence of Gd is the portion. It all ends with, "Love never ends."

Amen.

Thank you Lord for love. Thank you Lord for loving me. I've felt so alone. So ugly. So much like a failure. So not smart enough. And honestly, like I've ignored YOU, taken YOU for granted, thought I got this. Thought I knew what love was. But it is you who is love, it is you who is not boastful, rude, hopes the best for me, endures my stupidity, it is you who has promised to never leave me, to always love me. Love, true love, never ends.

God Sees, God Redeems (Contd.)

Isaiah 30 details the story of a scared and panicked people who in their fear, stop trusting God and decide to take matters into their own hands, by making an alliance with a nation that had previously enslaved them and who God specifically said to never go back to.
Now, it might seems like a duh situation to not go back to or seek help from someone who once hurt you, but how many times have I gone back to a job whose boss was not completely professional or co-workers who were disrespectful? How many times have I gone back to a old friend, or boyfriend?

Oh rebellious children, says the Lord, who carry out a plan, but not mine; who make an alliance, but against my will, adding sin to sin...without seeking my counsel, to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh..." (Isaiah 30:1-3).

How many times have I felt like I've lost control of everything! My car, finances, school, career and I decided, what I'm going to do, without even taking the moment to say, Um..Jesus, could you guide me, tell me what to do, 'cause the crap has hit the fan and I'm FRICKN OUT! How many times have I maybe asked this, but not waited for a response? This totally sounds familiar to my fear, panic problem, aye?

But, what I love about this chapter is that after it details how everything is going to get even worse now that the people have decided to make decisions for themselves, there's a message of love: In returning (to God) and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength - Isaiah 30:15. It's like, if you just wait, hun, you're not going to have a heart attack. If you just sit down and shut up, be quiet, you'll actually have some strength or regain your composure. The chapter continues, ...the Lord waits to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show mercy to you...- Isaiah 30:18. God doesn't decide to kill off the arrogant people, he actually just waits for them to tap him into the ring, and gives grace, is merciful.

Isaiah 30:19 Truly....you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when he hears it, he will answer you...


To my friend who asked me these questions about God, about pain, about retribution; To my friend who admitted he is hurting, he is in pain...God will be gracious to your cry, and when he hears it, he will answer you.

God Sees, God Redeems (Retribution)

I continued my reading of Isaiah. I realized that a possible reason why I was recalling such versus of damnation was probably because I was in the portion of Isaiah where it's pretty much a list of prophesies of damnation. Though, according to Isaiah, judgement upon God's people came after decades of patience, was well warned, foreshadowed and ultimately well deserved, the scriptures were still "AND YOUR BODIES WILL BE LIKE REFUSE UPON THE LAND..." " A PLAGUE SHALL CONSUME" "YOUR JOY WILL TURN INTO WEEPING AND YOUR WEEPING SHALL BE FOR NOUGHT". You know, stuff like that. Those chapters are over now. Amen.

I was speaking to a friend a few days ago about, well, God. He basically wanted to know the truth about God, why or who says God is love, why bad things happen to good people, why does God insist we love our enemies and why can't he feel angry towards those who he feels has wronged them. He then asked is it wrong to pray for their (the people who wronged him) demise. Some heavy questions and quite frankly lots of answers. I ended up revealing to him what got me through some of the most abusive years of my life. I ended up admitting that it was the God of the old testament, the God the slays, and slays, and brings fire upon those whom hurt his children, that got me through those nights where I thought I would die. It is true, some of it was evil, but it's true that as I laid on the floor, sweaty, bloody, spasming in pain, there was a moment I switched from the mantra God save me God save me God save me to God kill her. God may your justice come down her like a swift fiery sword. God release your wrath on her for what she is doing your daughter, me. I'd thought about killing her myself, but of course feared God, but specifically after I heard a preaching about the wrath of God, about how turning the other cheek was a further testimony of the bad person's guilt to God, and how no one can get revenge on a person like God can, I let the idea of killing her go. I gave it to God. What I wanted was justice, and was that not justifiable to want?
What I earnestly wanted was retribution. I told my friend this truth of that time in my life and the most honest thoughts that were going through my mind. Today, I found something in Isaiah that pretty much sums up that feeling, that craving -that is not evil- to want retribution and the importance of allowing God to redeem you (us): For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for him - Isaiah 30:18. God does see you, hear you and he will bring justice. And those who wait for his justice are blessed. I would say I'm a bit better of a person for not committing the act of murder at age 7.

Fear Worry Panic

I've just returned from an exhausting trip visiting various relatives up north. The particular trip, which was well wanted, ended up testing my endurance, patience, and consistency.
Will I be able to endure the uncomfortable situation of living 5-7 days in a 1 room apartment with an deteriorating elder, the stranger that now lives in this room to take care of the elder and my overbearing mother (our relationship is currently in rehab- this is a good first step, by the way) while spending the nights half extended on a lazy boy chair or twin blow up bed shared with my mother in a swollen with heat room?

Will I have the patience to have patience with my mother who enjoys sharing everything that comes to her mind whether it interrupts my sentence, thought, or tv show; who finds it necessary to request my assistance with lifting or bringing something to her that is usually within an extended hand reach of her arm; who also has the tendency to talk about my personal life with anyone willing or unwilling to listen; who farts constantly at night, and unapologetic sporadically in the day?

Will I be consistent with my study and meditation of God's word while on vacation, which is in my opinion the truest test of my new-found dedication to study of the word and a test of my beliefs (making my hearing and doing)?

I will say I endured. I will say I exceeded my patience. I will say I failed with consistency. However, something new about my failure in this situation with my strive to become closer to the Lord, is that I did not let the guilt of that eat me alive. Instead, it seemed to only shed some light on some growth. It seemed to only enhance my visual of the reality of my study of the word, the reality of the action of my so-called dedication and revealed that I'm still growing and can/should continue to improve. As usual, I still went to church on vacation- this is the norm for me, but it seems that even with eating practices (I'm striving to be more nutritionally aware and decisive about certain habits) when I am on vacation, I seem to be on vacation from EVERYTHING. Which means, the life I live, or strive to live on a daily, is just that, a life I'm trying to live, not yet a lifestyle, not yet the norm.

Some other things were revealed to me upon my trip and my return, like: How spoiled I am to have a 3 bedroom 2 bath house to live in, my own bathroom, technically 2 beds in my own room, having my own room, air conditioning, suitcases filled with clothes and still a closet full at home, items and accessories to keep my hair and skin healthy or shiny or looking in a manner I like and etc. Gd has spoiled me, I am His daughter and man does it feel good to be spoiled by Him. Thank you Father.

Upon my joy-filled arrival to my own home, room, beds, pillows, I opened my Bible and picked up when I left off. I'm currently trying to write down and categorize versus that standout to me that deal with situations or questions I've had. Today, I came across Isaiah 28:16. In the latter portion on that verse, Isaiah quotes "Those who trust do not panic". I stopped there, found a notecard, wrote the verse down and on the other side of the card wrote in big letters Worry. It's been going on for a year and a half now that I've had a spirit of anxiety, fear, worry and panic on my mind and heart. Beside acne spreading, I also ended up having migraines (1st in my entire life) that when moved to the center of my head, caused me to faint. Then, my heart sped up so fast, that one could not only see my chest moving from above my shirt, but I ended up going to the hospital and being put under. What makes matters worse, is that I did not know how to deal with this spirit because, well, fear is new for me. Not to say that I've never feared anything, or I've never been afraid, but I've never been fearful of life. Concerns of family expectations, my church-life obligations, personal aspirations, financial dependency, physical failures, social barrenness (when I mean social barrenness, I mean the realization that I'm probably not going to be married with kids by age 27). And to top it all, I always said, well, as long as I'm right with the Lord and I'm doing His work, all is well and for the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't right with the Lord, and I was stagnant in doing His work. I don't know how many times I prayed James 1:19-25 "be doers and not merely hearers". I even lost sleep over "loosing my saltiness"(Matthew 5:13-15) and being like eliminated from earth. I began to remember all the scriptures that not only called us to action, but specifically the ones that kinda damned us if we don't. Vain, don't let my life be in vain Lord. I settled on, for the first time in reality, simply at least having the hopes of dying for Gd in some sort of martyrdom. (I say for the first time in reality because the running joke of my unit family is, I was born to be martyred.) I'd forgotten all the messages of love and peace and of a forgiving Gd. Now, this spirit of fear has finally begun to dissipate, but I still need to continue to fight, to load up on ammo because I know and the average Christian should know that fear is not of Gd: Matthew 6:27 -why worry? does it bring forth anything; 2 Timothy 1:7- for God did not give us a spirit of fear... But with all of those, something just wasn't clicking until today. That verse in Isaiah truly let me know what I was dealing with, "those who trust do not panic"; I'm having a trust issue, not a fear, anxiety or panic issue, but trust. This left me with several questions because taken out of context one could say they trust, but still panic leaving ME with the question, well, who is it Lisa, who you've been trusting? Have you been trusting your friend? your relative? your job, insurance? or have you been trusting your skills? your talents? your diploma? you, Lisa? AND if I have been trusting those things, then of course I feel panicked or worried because friends die, insurance is merely a scheme, your skills deteriorate without practice, diplomas burn and you Lisa...you know nothing. I am having a trust issue. I should be placing my trust on the eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving; that is God. My Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Because as Isaiah says, those who trust do not panic. those who trust. they do not panic.