God Sees, God Redeems (Retribution)

I continued my reading of Isaiah. I realized that a possible reason why I was recalling such versus of damnation was probably because I was in the portion of Isaiah where it's pretty much a list of prophesies of damnation. Though, according to Isaiah, judgement upon God's people came after decades of patience, was well warned, foreshadowed and ultimately well deserved, the scriptures were still "AND YOUR BODIES WILL BE LIKE REFUSE UPON THE LAND..." " A PLAGUE SHALL CONSUME" "YOUR JOY WILL TURN INTO WEEPING AND YOUR WEEPING SHALL BE FOR NOUGHT". You know, stuff like that. Those chapters are over now. Amen.

I was speaking to a friend a few days ago about, well, God. He basically wanted to know the truth about God, why or who says God is love, why bad things happen to good people, why does God insist we love our enemies and why can't he feel angry towards those who he feels has wronged them. He then asked is it wrong to pray for their (the people who wronged him) demise. Some heavy questions and quite frankly lots of answers. I ended up revealing to him what got me through some of the most abusive years of my life. I ended up admitting that it was the God of the old testament, the God the slays, and slays, and brings fire upon those whom hurt his children, that got me through those nights where I thought I would die. It is true, some of it was evil, but it's true that as I laid on the floor, sweaty, bloody, spasming in pain, there was a moment I switched from the mantra God save me God save me God save me to God kill her. God may your justice come down her like a swift fiery sword. God release your wrath on her for what she is doing your daughter, me. I'd thought about killing her myself, but of course feared God, but specifically after I heard a preaching about the wrath of God, about how turning the other cheek was a further testimony of the bad person's guilt to God, and how no one can get revenge on a person like God can, I let the idea of killing her go. I gave it to God. What I wanted was justice, and was that not justifiable to want?
What I earnestly wanted was retribution. I told my friend this truth of that time in my life and the most honest thoughts that were going through my mind. Today, I found something in Isaiah that pretty much sums up that feeling, that craving -that is not evil- to want retribution and the importance of allowing God to redeem you (us): For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for him - Isaiah 30:18. God does see you, hear you and he will bring justice. And those who wait for his justice are blessed. I would say I'm a bit better of a person for not committing the act of murder at age 7.