Thoughts From Genesis

1. Gd speaks and the earth is created. When Gd speaks, life is created. Gd speaks life.

2. Gd separated the light from the darkness and called light good. We were created in the light and are children of the light, thus we are good. He actually likes us and approves of our creation.

3. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom comes from Gd.

4. Beware of the human condition to choose the tree of knowledge vs. tree of life.

5. Fear is a sin that stems from sin, Not Gd.

6. It is not natural or in my being to be afraid.

7. Gd actually created me to be fearless!

8. Reject "eye-candy"- anything that looks good, but has no real value

9. When Gd is upset, He is upset 1st with the one who hurt you, who deceived you, and He will curse them for it.

10. STOP BEING AFRAID OF GD, From the very beginning He never struck fearfulness into his children. Stop being afraid of your Father and instead run to Him! He will bring justice to those who trick you.

Genesis 2-3- also reveals the choices of man. Man's choice to listen to man, flesh, rather than the supernatural and divine-ness and superiority of Gd. There was something within us, even in the garden of Eden that made Eve already have internal interest to press the red button, and something within Adam that led him to listen to his flesh and disobey Gd. One thing that is certain is that we did always have choice.

Genesis 3:22-I find it interesting that in the following verse, Gd sees that man is like Gd and now may choose to eat of the tree of life. It is only Gd who is wise enough to know to choose life. It is us activating or accessing the quality of Gd, dwelling in Gd when we choose life. When we choose the narrow gate, the path of the everlasting, living for the eternal, that is the centricity of Gd coming alive within us, life, choosing life.

            For in the beginning He said, "Let there be light...Let there be animals...let there be fruits with seeds in them....let there be plant with seeds..."

            Gd brought light. Gd brought life. Gd constantly brings life be even having life (fruit) beget more life (seeds).

Gd Never Cursed Mankind

Gd curses: 1. the serpent

                   2. the land

Gd punishes: 1. the woman

                        2. the man

In this meditation of knowing my identity, and the Lord telling me in order to know who I am, I must first know who He is (Psalm 45:10) and Him giving me the Holy Spirit to teach me, to minister me (John 16:13) to learn about my Lord or more specifically to break down all the presumptions I had of my Lord, I was sent to study Genesis. Yep, the very beginning.

Today, there was huge breakthrough, well, everyday seems like huge breakthrough really, haha.

I found it remarkable to identify that Gd never cursed and merely punishes woman and man and then to further identify that Gd first spoke to the serpent to curse it. Why did I find this so remarkable to note and then to write? Because I'd be taught by this world to believe differently.

            The first 2 decades of my life have been spent with men and some women telling me that women are subordinate, wicked, and manipulative and need to be put in check by the all knowing and superior man. I struggled not in being submissive, but is believing I was inferior (lower in quality). I struggled seeing myself as helpless, cursed by Gd to be helpless, and cursed by Gd because Eve made man or manipulated man into eating the fruit. In my struggle people began to label me as a feminist which even rubbed against me even more as I in no way want to cut my hair, wear pants all the time, work at a construction site and least of all open my own doors! Oh, how many times have I heard, "It's because of Eve...! It's because of Eve..!" are the chants of those, typically men, who insist women cover themselves from head to toe, who insist women not be permitted to read, who insist women ought not be permitted to listen to the teachings of sacred scrolls, who insist women be bartered and traded like cattle.

            And O, how I took on this personality of being accursed and forsaken by right.

Genesis 3:13 Then the Lord to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "the serpent tricked me..."

The very next verse, Gd curses the serpent! THANK YOU FATHER! That you curse those whom trick, manipulate and deceive your children! THANK YOU GD that you don't curse us for being deceived. Thank you! That your anger is actually first, first given to those who deceived, not to us whom were deceived. Thank You!

But, He does punish.

1st punishment: Genesis 3:16- "To the woman, He said..." : increases her pangs in child birthing (my translation reads "greatly increase pangs". apparently, there was always going to be pain, only now there is increased pain.).

                                                woman is no longer a partner to husband, but husband will rule over her

                                                woman now desires for husband

            Question: Why did Gd punish her? My Bible doesn't say.

2nd punishment: Genesis 3:17- "To Adam He said, 'Because you listened to the voice of your wife..."

            WHOA, hold on. Adam get's a reason why he's being punished?

So, Gd doesn't blame Eve for being tricked. Gd doesn't blame Eve for Adam's eating the fruit? Instead, Gd says, "To Adam, because you have listened to the voice of your wife..."

Gd punishes Adam because Adam did not listen to Gd.

So... does this to reflect how persuasive the voice of a wife is? No, otherwise you would have to deduce and believe that the power of a wife's voice is equal to or more powerful than the voice of Gd. I doubt anyone would dare to claim that blasphemy.

            No, the wife's voice did not over power Gd's voice

            No, the wife's voice is not filled with trickery (Gen.3:13 read, "the serpent tricked..." not the woman tricked)

            No, Adam was not tricked (he admits in Gen. 3:12)

            Yes, Adam alone chose to ignore Gd's command

            Yes, Adam chose to reject Gd's command, to be disobedient to Gd's command

            Yes, Adam chose to listen to the remedial voice of bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, his wife.

Why was Adam's disobedience so personal? It was between him and Gd.

            "To Adam...Because you listened to the voice of your wife and you ate of the fruit from the tree of which I commanded you, 'you shall not eat"..."

                                                                        -Genesis 3:17

Adam's disobedience was terribly personal. Gd makes it clear that Gd gave Adam the command, Gd told Adam the command, Gd spoke to Adam of the Dos and the Donts.

One day I was babysitting a 3 year old boy, Joey. I took Joey to the park to get some exercise, fresh air, sunshine and play with children his own age. On the way to the park I told Joey, "Do not get on the swings." I'd previously seen the children swing high and jump off, and I was not in the mood to take "my" child to the hospital. When we got to the park, I walked Joey to the jungle gym, and repeated and pointed, "Joey, do not get on the sings, okay." Joey of course said, "okay." He didn't even ask why. He just nodded his head, looked at me and said, "okay."

Within an hour, I see Joey with 3 other children climbing onto the swings.

I walk over to Joey, take him down from the swing and at eye level ask him, "Joey, what did I tell you?" He looks down. "Joey, I told you not to get on the swings."

            "Yeah, but the other kids are getting on..."

            "Joey, I told you, you could not get on the swings. Now, we are going home."

To anyone who has children, who has had to babysit children or younger siblings, I know my experience sounds familiar. Imagine how familiar it is to Gd. It began with Adam.

Gd doesn't really clarify why the woman is punished, but Gd DOES clarify why He is punishing Adam:

                                     1. Adam listened to his wife (his own flesh) instead of Gd

                                     2. Adam broke the commandment Gd specifically told him

The scripture continues to describe Adam's punishment as having to work, and having to work in order to eat for the rest of his life (OH and the ground gets cursed 'cause of Adam! man's actions affected the land!).

Now, yes, I know this chapter is beyond my finding comfort in seeing that Gd didn't curse me, a female, didn't call me stupid for being tricked, accuse me of being easily tricked nor even calls me inferior. Yes, this chapter is more than about me realizing that I was never accursed by Gd, never looked down upon by Gd. Yes, this chapter is more than me having an excuse to give to my future husband as to why I don't want to work and I just want to be housewife yet still have all the benefits of eating as if I was working.

But, it broke the restraints I and the world put on me when understanding Gd and my relationship with Him.

Thank you Father for not cursing us. Thank you Father for not punishing us because we were tricked, but just for our disobedience, and making a way to be reunited with you again, through your Son, whom you loved, Jesus Christ, our Saviour, our Lord, whom loves us with the same intensity as you have love Him (John 15:9).

Who Are You?

Since I've made my big move, physically and spiritually (December 27th is when big move began), the Lord has been working on me in claiming my identity. Generally, isn't that what we all, at least in America, go through? Asking, "who am I? or even deciding, "who do I want to be?" I know in several classes, I've had to, by positive means, create a collage of either all the things that make me, me OR create a collage of all the people I would like to model myself after, be mentored by or who I look up. In the "who I would like to be" collages, I've seen fellow students choose Oprah Winfrey or more recently President Barack Obama.

I feel so much now within the last five years that there is a constant shift, constant change, constant confusion in solidifying our identity. As soon as we have selected a few values, confusion comes, and they change. As soon as we decided 2 nevers, a situation arises in which never becomes "only in this situation". Even those of us who have a strong sense of identity, end up making that strong sense more of guidelines to revert back to if everything falls apart; that strong sense of identity then becomes a list of morals or family values we were raised with and revert back to as "what we were raised with" or "how we were raised" not at all referring to them as how we live today. This strong sense of identity and list of morals becomes exactly that, a list we give people in class, in a 10 minute meet and greet time of an ice breaker at whatever function we're involved in. 

What is our identity?

The Lord has put me in a place, in a situation, where it's only me and Him (it's interesting, I was thinking about joining a convent, seminary or even Buddhist retreat to just sit in silence and strive to hear Him think) and since He's brought me here, He's been answering this question, all of my questions. The answers and strategies to the answers are not what I was expecting, they are, like Gd, better than all of that.

When I asked, who am I? He asked, Who am I?

Did you get that? In order to understand who I am, He suggested I understand who He is. 

Now, one may think it's strange to ask oneself who Gd is. Gd is Gd, done. Besides, why should I relate myself to Gd? Well, when explaining to others our morals, values and how we were raised, it all stems from our parents, no? We spend more or less 16 to 18 years of our lives really getting to know our parents by how we are obedient to them, how we help them, how we spend time with them and their parents, and cousins, and festivals, and customs, and arguments. But, do we know the one who created our parents? who created us?

When we ask, or at least when I asked, "who am I" and wanted to know, to be able to hold fast to my identity, I was at the point where I realized I was asking for more than am I am hipster? I wanted more than: am I a southern gal, or a northern yankee, am I a girly girl, am I an art kid, am I Jewish, am I gay, am I a feminist, am I fat, am I Black, am I American? I wanted to know what makes me, me, internally, the parts I can't see. The parts beyond the double ear piercings, beyond the scruffy Chuck Taylors, beyond the Hot Topic shirt, beyond the knitted scarf, beyond the skirt, beyond height and thick thighs.

 I wanted to know what is it, about my identity, that makes me laugh hysterically when my car breaks down in the middle of the highway with a dead cell phone and no one knowing where I am? What is it about my identity that I cry when others are hurting, but not necessarily when I hurt. What is it about my identity that throughout all the abuse, pain, sleep disorders, eating disorders, confusion, I still remain. I still stand. I... still... remain. Why? Why Lord? What is it about me that I survived, that I thrived even? The Lord responded, "What you mean to say, Lisa, is, what is it about Me." 

When I tutored pre-school. Some of the children would come up to me holding out their latest drawing or finger portraits. I would ohh and ahh...and eventually ask the question, "what is it?" Are we not to ask the maker of the artwork, what it is? Who better to ask what the product is and how it functions than the person who made it?! 

So, when I finally asked Gd, what is my identity? I believed He smiled and cheered saying, "Finally, you've decided to ask your creator, finally, you've decided to stop asking other humans, and defining yourself by what you're not, or categorizing yourself by their titles and subtitles. Finally, my little daughter Lisa, you've decided to ask your Dad. your Maker. your Creator, your true Father. YOU GO GIRL!"

And boy, did He answer. He is still answering, and it's AWESOME!!!

He suggested I read Genesis. Yep, the very 1st book. Initially, I thought it was elementary, but that's exactly what I needed. I'd forgotten the base, the root, of who Gd is and how He sees me as mankind and as a woman. So much clutter of the world was in my mind, tainting my view of Gd, tainting who Gd told me He was wayyy back when in Sunday School. Reading Genesis, has been quite empowering, more empowering and for some reason even more honest than my reading of all the other books. Maybe it's just the timing and Gd knowing the exact antidote for my wound/poison that was put in me. Reading Genesis has brought such love of Gd and such confidence our relationship.

It is as of December 27, 2012 that I was touched by the Holy Spirit. No, I didn't even know to call it the Holy Spirit, I just knew some weird stuff was happening: winds surrounding me, then sudden and complete peace was coming over me. The complete physical move on January 17, 2013 brought about daily events that led me to be baptized, again, then baptized in the Holy Spirit, and renounce a plethora of things brought on by generational curses/sin resulting in iniquities. I'm explaining or sharing this to relay that even in my writings, there may be an obvious change of tone and view from the things prior to December 27 and onward. 

May it all bring glory to the Lord. Amen.

The Fear of Sin and the Sin of Fear

“ ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid…and I hid myself…’ The man said, ‘The woman whom you have to be with me, she gave me the fruit…’" -Genesis 3:8-12

Let us imagine what life was life before partaking in the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I imagine not just peace, not just innocence, but also no sin?

The tree itself is knowledge, yes? Specifically, knowledge of evil. If you know not evil, how can you commit evil? I correlate this to the realization of the power of the covenant brought on by the blood of Jesus.

Paul constantly writes in the New Testament that we are no longer bound by the law, for in the law is sin, because the law reveals sin (Romans 3:19-20, 1 Corinthians 9:20)

            Before the bite, there was nothing in affect to reveal sin, until sin was revealed after eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Now, why is this important? Why is this worth blogging? I believe it is worth blogging to further dissect the comprehension of the new covenant of which all Christians are bound to and many of us and non-Christians don’t understand (no, I’m not posing as if I understand, hence why I’m just thinking of this 2 decades into my life).

Many Christians and “Christians” believe in false grace. I can do anything I want because I’m covered by the blood of Jesus. Essentially saying, thinking, believing, they don’t have to abide by the Ten Commandments, or the Law, because Jesus died on the cross for all of their sins (past, present and future) (Romans 6:14). So, being obedient or striving to live under the commandments, the Law, is unnecessary, it no longer applies, and it is legalistic. Why does this thought and lifestyle continue though it is constantly written that Jesus did not come to abolish the law but to uphold it (Matthew 5:17)? I don’t know. 

            What I would like to discuss are the symptoms or effects of after eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and essentially not being “fully covered” by the blood of Jesus.

Genesis 1:27 or Genesis 2:7 details the creation of man and Gd’s relationship with Him. Yes, there was relationship. In this relationship we see a conversation, Gd giving more than enough subsistence, luxury, authority and blessings; and man accepting, enjoying it all. Man and Gd walk in the garden, Man and Gd talk in the garden. They hangout, they chill, just cause that how they roll.

 

            After eating the fruit, man is afraid of the sound of Gd. “ ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid..." (Genesis 3:8)

            Why is man suddenly afraid? Were we made to be afraid of Gd? I’m not debating the 1^st commandment nor the wisdom of Solomon, I’m suggesting, implying that truthfully fear is not of Gd, SO MUCH SO that it’s not even how he created us, It's not part of our initial DNA! From the beginning, He did not create us to be afraid.

            When under the old covenant, the Israelites were terrified of sin. Everytime they sinned, someone was stoned, an entire family was destroyed; they had to be destroyed. People would suddenly be afflicted with tumors or leprosy. At the temple, there were daily and constant blood sacrifices of doves, pigeons and bulls. People had to be removed from the camp; sin emitted terror!

Yet, once Jesus, the ultimate (final) sacrifice and new covenant is made, Paul writes we can now “walk boldly to throne of grace with confidence…” (Hebrews 4:16).

Walk boldly? To the throne? With confidence?!?!?!     

(See image to right as depiction of this throne we're supposed to be walking boldly to-->)

It is not Gd that emits fear or causes fear, but sin. 

Adam hides when Gd comes through the garden.

Does Adam hide because he is naked and doesn’t want Gd to see, or does Adam hide because he is afraid?

It is the fear of sin that causes our withdrawal from Gd.

The fear of, what if I do something wrong, what if He sees, what if He finds out, what if He knows, what if He...

Side Note: Dude, He knows, He’s Gd, need reaffirmation that He knows, check out Psalm 139.

It is not written that Gd came in stomping through the garden, Gd came angrily into the garden, or the Gd came shouting through the garden. Where did we get this image of "Gd the condemner"? Where did we get this image of "Gd the angry never happy ready to strike you down with lightening"?

You know what, it doesn’t matter where it came from, just know that it is a lie.

It is a lie.            It is a lie.                It is a lie.

It is the sin of fear that confuses the mind, distorts the truth and makes us like animals.

            Genesis 2:23 The man said, “At last!...” bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh,"

            WOMAN! Adam is ecstatic. He get’s a lady, AND without having to compete with some other dude for her. Adam not only get’s a lady, but he gets a perfect match for him, and untouched, untainted by any other being. It says then, that man clings to his wife. He doesn’t just claim her, Adam clings to Eve. Not out of jealousy, but out of utter adoration, utter joy to have an equal, to have a partner, yes, I said partner (Genesis 2:20).

 Adam not only get’s a lady, but he gets a perfect match for him, and untouched, untainted by any other being. It says then, that man clings to his wife. He doesn’t just claim her, Adam clings to Eve. Not out of jealousy, but out of utter adoration, utter joy to have an equal, to have a partner, yes, I said partner (Genesis 2:20).

      

      After eating the fruit. Adam not only disclaims his own flesh, his own kind, his own partner, his own wife, but then blames Gd for it.

            “The woman whom you gave me…”

                        Question: Didn’t Adam just eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Yet, he didn’t have enough knowledge to um… not point his finger at Gd? Oh right, because it’s not necessarily knowledge, but wisdom in which you fear Gd; they so obviously ate from the wrong tree.

How can it be that Adam rejects his own kind (human)? How can it be that Adam abandons his own flesh (family)? How can it be that Adam renounces his own beloved wife (partner/friend)? And blames Gd.

It is the sin called fear. People say love can make a person do crazy things, I think fear makes people do deranged things.

Brothers, Sisters, I believe it is this sin, this sin called fear, that will cause mass destruction upon humanity.  It will break down families, it will break down the ones who are watching themselves be abandoned/rejected/disclaimed before their very own eyes, it will break down the relationship between us and love (our Father, Gd).

Is it not fear that causes or helps a person to choose to have an abortion? Is it not fear that causes or helps a person to choose to support their family through prostitution or selling their child into human trafficking? Is it also not fear that prolongs our confession, that prolongs our return home, that prolongs our coming to the throne of grace, prolongs our acceptance of the truth of the unconditional love of Gd?

In fear arises panic and in a panic just like a herd of sheep or herd of horses we too, humans become animals and run (like a chicken with it’s head cut off, my mother would say).  

How many times have you heard of a fire or an emergency in a building full of people and people getting injured not from the actual fire or emergency, but actually from other people who are just running, pushing, shoving, stepping, throwing?

 

It is fear that causes the utter disgrace, the degrading of man who was made in the image of Gd (Genesis 1:26), which gives room for wickedness to grow and foolishness to make home.

In times of tribulation, I would not be afraid of Gd, but rather wary of the sin of fear commandeering the man like a marionette.

In times of tribulation, I pray I will not fear at all (Psalm 23 , Isaiah 41:10). 

Are You A Garden?

This morning, I found myself reading Matthew 13:4-9. Though I'd read it before and have heard a few teachings about it, I believe the Holy Spirit began to minister to me for me see, understand, and know it for myself. The Holy Spirit has been doing that a lot lately- making me read passages I already know just to listen to what He specifically wants me to grasp from it.

So, Matthew 13:4-9, Jesus is sharing a parable: "Listen! A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell on the path, and the birds came and ate them up. Other seeds fell on rocky ground where they did not have much soil, and they sprang up quickly, since they had no depth of soil. But when the sun rose, they were scorched; and since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell amongst thorns, and grew up and chocked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and brought forth grain, some a hundred fold, some sixty, some thirty. Let anyone with ears listen!"

I've been taught that the different paths represent different paths of faiths. However, this morning, I believe the Holy Spirit, the Lord who has given me the mindset of an English major, made me notice that not all of the different places the seeds dropped were paths. Only 1 was a path. Here's what I learned/understood.

This is about lifestyles, not necessarily faiths.

1. The Path- A path is clear of debris, it is typically smooth, a route taken many times, it is easy, it is luxurious, and a relaxing stroll.
                 Quintessentially, this is the lifestyle of someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth. This is the life of someone whose provisions have always been filled, whose problems were always solved by someone else, whose education, ambition, needs and wants are given to the person even without the person needing to ask; AND it's beautiful, luxurious, peaceful and satisfying.

I recall the warning of helping a butterfly come out of its cocoon. If you help a butterfly come out of its cocoon, it's wings do not gain strength. In fact, the butterfly, never needing to work its wings, stays weakened, can't fly and eventually dies.
                   Verse 4: "... some seeds fell on the path, and the birds came and ate them up..."
It is difficult to bring the message of the love, need and fear of Gd to those whom believe they have everything they need and want. Those whom were born in a situation where they and everyone around them have always had more than enough causing them to have difficulty seeing, believing, understanding their need of Gd, recognizing their Lord as Lord and Saviour, and worshipping Him as such.

2. Rocky Ground- Not a path, but ground. This ground is mixed with soil and rocks. This ground has smooth parts and a few rough parts. The rough parts are so minor that a little side step will get someone through.
                   Modern Christianity/Religion. This lifestyle is an average Christian (American) family. This family goes to a church, they've probably been going to the same one for several generations, and it is probably conveniently near their home. They go to church every Sunday, and watch "the game" as soon as they get home. They go to Bible study or prayer night every so often, then go see the latest thriller or film; they throw birthday parties in a club venues, hang out on Saturday nights and once again, return to church on Sunday (they have a great surface of Christianity, they even tithe and give gifts to needy around Christmas). When obstacles arise they pray, and then they do everything they can do to control the outcome/find the solution to their problem. However, when a relative is suddenly incapacitated from a car accident, their home is destroyed from a hurricane, the head of the household or both parents lose their jobs, or the wrong governor or president wins, the truth that it is the heat of the devil who steals, kills and destroys (John 10:10) is forgotten. The Truth (word of Gd), the joy, the faith of Gd as sole provider, healer, faithful, saviour is suddenly forgotten. Suddenly, "WHY GD!" is angrily screamed. Suddenly, the view (the lie) of Gd as condemner is adopted.
                    Verse 6: "But when the sun rose, they were scorched; and since it has no root, the seeds withered away."

3. Thorns- This is not a trail, nor path, nor ground. These are thorns, bushels of them. It's thick, it hurts, there is never a clear place to move ahead, there's only pain and a little less pain.
                  This is the life of someone born in the ghetto/hood in its most raw and hardest sense. I've been told and taught that we are born with sin and the root of all man is evil. Being born with sin I understand, but the belief that we are wicked, I struggle to fully believe. When a baby is born, it cries because it's been smacked, haha. In my life of babysitting infants and toddlers both with parents and orphaned, the children are constantly reaching their hands up to be held. They are constantly bringing me toys they want to share. They also love to laugh. I believe we are born with light within us. In this situation of a lifestyle of thorns, this lifestyle of the ghetto/hood, this child/children who craves love is immediately given temporary love. They are immediately taught that love is earned or must be earned and IS earned by the direct sacrifice of them- something they love (hair, iPad, Jordan shoes) or their dignity (they must perform some sort of sexual/nudity act). They are surrounded by people who do nothing but spend their days seeking what they can get (Only in the hood have I heard, "Imma gets mine!") They are surrounded by people who celebrate the very temporal accomplishments (a new car-stolen or bought, new shoes-stolen or bought, getting a virgin or any girl/boy to have sexual relations with them). These children of light (no matter how dim) receive the Word (the light brightens) that offers eternal life, peace, freedom, abundance, but when they go home, still living in their same environment, living amongst thorns, they are ridiculed, mocked, stifled, possibly literally beaten up (I've heard of kids being beaten up for going to school, and getting A's in school) and become so worn down, the light dims and eventually dies.
                 This situation reminds me of a young girl named Diedra from the documentary Nefarious. Nefarious is a documentary about human trafficking. The documentary traces human trafficking to prostitution and eventually has a segment featuring several woman from Moldova to Las Vegas, Nevada (prostitution has been legal in Nevada for 2 years now I think). Sixteen-year-old Diedra spoke in an interview of how every time she "worked" she felt like she was losing a piece of her soul. She continued to admit that no one really wants to be a prostitute. Diedra then reveals that her grandmother was a prostitute and her mother was or is still a prostitute. At the end of the documentary are clips of "where they are now". Many of the women who received the Word, the power of healing AND restoration from Gd were now married with children! Some established organizations and homes to spread the Gospel to women who were like them. The "where they are now" for Diedra was: Has returned to prostitution. Why? I bet she was never removed from her immediate environment of thorns - her grandmother and mother- nor her state environment of thorns- Las Vegas, Nevada, where prostitution is legal. 
                   Verse 7:"Other seeds fell amongst thorns, the thorns grew up and choked them."

4. Good Soil-Not a path, nor a trail, but land. This land is good. Good soil comes in varieties. It can be the rich brown soil of Florida, or the red clay of Africa, or the tan sand like Israel.
                This lifestyle is one that has forfeited the smooth, luxurious easy paths set before them either by family economic and social status or wealth/lax of their birth nation. This person has chosen not to walk a trail or chose a popular systematic way of thinking to dig a trail for themselves. Instead, this person has chosen to prepare their heart, their life to be gardened by The Gardener. This person has made the decision to allow the Lord to plant His seeds, nurture the growth, and prune when needed. The soil, this lifestyle, that has been gardened by the Lord will always beget life because life has been planted into it by life Himself. This lifestyle remains fruitful, in abundance, never forsaken, held up in holiness and righteousness because it is looked after and ruled by the most high authority, God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit, all three in one, always loving, always healing and restoring, always guiding and nurturing growth.
                I recall Gd's first days as a gardener: "Then Gd said, 'Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with seeds in it.'" (Genesis 1:11)
               It is not a side note, nor an accident that He specifically commanded fruits to beget fruits with seeds in them, and plants to beget plants with seeds in them.
              I recall Gd's first blessings: "God blessed them, saying, 'Be fruitful and multiply...'" (Genesis 1:28)

I am coming into an age in my life where I realize WHOA did I have some paths I was on, then traveled some rocky ground. I am also coming into an age of choosing to not take a path or blaze a trail but to instead, let go, and just be a good soil. Just be soil. Gd wont even carve a path into us, instead He will just plant His seeds of life, and make sure that the garden grows with seeds that will grow with more seeds that will grow. Verse 8: "Other seeds fell on good soil and brought forth grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."

Just be soil.

Trust me, I know, it is harder than it sounds, but it's also easier than it seems.

grace and peace.

Ana

Someone, a friend, gave me this verse many months ago. They told me the verse, and I quickly forgot it. People give people verses all the time and all under the pretense of...Gd gave this one to me and I'ma give it to you or...I came across this and didn't know why. I didn't forget this person's verse on purpose, I just don't memorize things when said once.

Today, I found myself listening to an array of party music, which is odd for me, but anyway, I found myself very very sad. Not depressed, just sad. Sad because I haven't partied in a long time. Sad because I don't even have enough money to party. I don't even have friends or a place to go to party nor would I be able to party the way I want to. I'm not going to get into how when I party or say party, anyone who knows me, obviously knows I'm not talking about getting drunk or high. But, these party songs are all happy go lucky songs. These songs are actually hopeful, whether with a person or single. These songs are all about enjoying the moments of being amongst friends and etc. And...my life is just not there, I haven't felt it there in a long time, and I have a feeling it won't be there for a long time.

I know music has the power to truly change your spirit and give you...ideas, so should I just stop listening to this music?

Either way, it is in this sadness that one is supposed to seek Gd. I didn't want to read my Bible. I didn't even feel like praying. But, I remembered Ana. I remember Ana always telling me and her texts ending with Joshua 1:9. It is: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Was I in a moment of not being strong? yes, Was I in a moment of not being courageous? Probably. Gd has apparently instructed me to be the opposite. Was I afraid at the time? Yes, afraid of never making it, afraid of never finishing any of my projects in due time, afraid of never losing weight and specifically becoming fit and toned, afraid of never being able to restore my skin, afraid that literally next year I wouldn't have a new car, or a apartment, or a  house, or a career let alone be traveling to a certain country to help certain human beings. Was I discouraged? terribly.

Did this scripture help? "for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go" It does, a little. I know I am not alone. I know what He is willing to help. I know that He knows....I do in fact feel alone.

Selective Hearing, Selective Christianity

Christianity, it's like a buffet, you take what you want, you leave what you don't. 

                                                                             - a bunch of people

Throughout my Christian life, I’ve generally heard of the whole, men are the head of the household, women are the weaker being, women are to submit to their husbands. But, the basis of scripture for these types of teaching, I know not where they come from, but I’ve always known that there are some poignant things said in the latter books/ letters by Paul in the Bible. In knowing that those letters said something more poignantly about the behavior of women, I admit that I steered clear of them. I didn’t want to know what they said. I didn’t want to hear such words that may support the beating of women or demand that I wear a long sleeve turtleneck dress all the way down to my toes with a scarf to cover my hair and most of my face. I didn’t want to hear it, read it, know it, so I avoided it. I figured, if I didn’t hear it, read it, know it, then I’m not accountable to it and I’m definitely not accountable to having to change my life over it

I am guilty of selective obedience. I am guilty of selective Christianity.

1^st Timothy 2:9

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

1^st  Timothy 2:11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through child bearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

HO-LY CRAP! What? It actually says that? The Bible? And not just the Bible, but specifically the New Testament, cause I know the Old Testament has got a bunch of crazy stuff in it, that…man, sucks for Jews. But, seriously, I mean, how does one explain this? I mean, how, what, WHAT?!

Okay, so, the latter letters by Paul were usually about the specifics as to the organization of the church. At this point, there began to form a sort of trend of service. There was a welcome, announcements, etc. There was a need for a widow ministry, a childrens’ ministry, etc. And leaders needed to be appointed, and overall organization was needed. I guess even things like who can pray, who can’t pray. Who can prophesize and who can’t, which even that, I don’t understand because prophecy was/is seen as a gift given by Gd, so if a female has the gift, is some man allowed to just come along and say, “Hey STOPPIT, that stuff is only us men. “?

Jeez… women should learn in quietness and full submission? What the heck does that mean? It cannot mean shut up and sit down and do as I say. It can’t. Can it? And this is the point where I struggle. Because, I’m choosing not to believe that. I’m choosing not to believe this women should learn in quietness and full of submission part. But, then, wouldn’t it be a sin? For me to decide (valley girl voice): I don’t get it, I don’t like it, so I’m not gonna practice it. I mean, it’s not like I’m standing up in church interrupting the pastor and telling people I don’t feel like sitting down. Isn’t that just general etiquette, anyway? But, if it is general, why does Paul specifically, specify women? “A woman should learn in quietness and in full submission”. Are men not learning in quietness? I don’t get it. Then, there’s the “I do not permit any woman to teach or to have any authority over a man”. This explains why for so long in many, many Christian denominations one would not see a female preacher in the pulpit. To be honest, when I see it, I cringe a little. I’m still not used to it. It’s just not done. Not that I don’t believe a woman has the power or gift to teach, HECK, ALL of my Sunday School teachers were women, ALL of my Christian Academy teachers were women. Is that due to women trying to take authority? Or is that due to men seeing it, teaching, essentially, was /is a woman’s job? But, all of a sudden, when we become adults, when the word “really matters” all of a sudden, men want to take the stage, and are the only ones whom are permitted to do so? 

What I AM confused about, is the fact that the first members of the church were women. WOMEN and while Paul was there, he even mentions to respect and listen to the word of some women…Priscilla is the only name that comes to mind now (she and her husband Aquillis? Romans 16) So…what’s going on? What’s going on that THIS time, in THIS letter, in THIS church, where Paul is suddenly…ugh moving on. “For Adam was created first”? “…it was the woman whom was deceived”? Yeah…okay, so…the woman was deceived….what was Adam’s excuse? He wasn’t deceived and ate the fruit anyway, which to me is a bit “more of a sin” than to mistake ‘cause someone tricked you. Seriously, what was Adam’s excuse for doing it? Was it not deliberate? So, those who are tricked into making mistakes can’t talk, but those who do it willingly and deliberately can? (squinting eyes…raised eye brow, now head supported by fist under chin)

Okay, I need to calm down. This is the Holy Bible, the inspired word of Gd I’m talking about, I can’t just blow up like that. I must maintain some sort of reverence. Am I really to respect this sort of reasoning? Because the man was first? That’s it? I had a student who wrote in his essay about I don’t know what, but he wrote, “It is true that Gd created man first, but I believe He got it right the second time around.” So cute, so sweet, and so what I needed to hear in this male dominated society that thinks men are awesome just because they have a tentacle shooting out of their stomach that many of them can’t control, themselves, oh and they were created first. Jeez… I’m upset. Maybe I should come to this later.