Jesus: You feed them
Disciples: You want us to go into town and purchase enough bread for 5,000 with just a couple of denarii?
Jesus: How much food do you have?
Disciples: 5 loaves, 2 fish
Jesus: Give'em here (personal summary)
Jesus blesses the bread, breaks it into pieces and passes them out to the crowd who by now are sitting in groups of fifty. Jesus does the same with the fish. After everyone was satisfied with their meal and had enough, the disciples collected the left over pieces, totaling 12 baskets full.
POV of boy: "This is my lunch. I brought my own, it's not my fault y'all came out here without lunch. Oh, wait disciples, you want to give my lunch to Jesus. Oh, okay, sure. Wait let me just grab 1 loaf for myself."
POV of crowd: "I'm hungry. I'm hungry now. Jesus is gonna break some fish and bread for all of us? Um...yeah, I'm just gonna head back into town and buy a few loaves myself 'cause I don't think he's gonna be able to break enough pieces for ALL of us. Plus, I really don't feel like waiting and fighting to get in line to get a piece of this fish, I mean just a piece, a little morsel? Not worth, it, I'm going to town for a sec. I'll be back. Y'all want something?"
POV Disciples: "You're about to multiply food? How can you multiply food. How do you break something into 5,000 pieces and it's more than enough for everyone? Everyone? I mean even those people over there, those people are greedy, they take stuff, wrap it in a napkin and put it in their purse for later and STILL eat."
I definitely relate to the disciples in this story. I have already struggled with comprehending and believing this story. I can't seem to wrap my head or faith around taking such a tangible item like a piece of bread, a slice of bread, blessing it, breaking it and breaking it and breaking it and breaking it continuously for a bunch of people and still having left overs. I don't get it. It's impossible. I have the same problem with Elijah and the woman with the oil story. How was there more oil? She just poured it out. SO, it's gone, only, it's not, there's more. My lack of faith in this miracle is strange in contrast to my full faith in other things- spiritual things like the casting out of a demon, casting out epilepsy, making a blind man see, making a crippled man walk, angels swooping down on an army, a burning bush that's not tearing down, or even Jesus and Paul walking on water. I believe those miracles, whole-heartedly, but I can't seem to get, grasp, comprehend, believe, understand, the breaking of a food, a tangible item and it multiplying. Like, when did it multiply, in Jesus' hand, when it was passed out. Or were the pieces tiny, but had some affect of when a person ate it, their belly was suddenly full?
I pray the Lord show me what He want to reveal to me in this story. I know some questions we have will and must remain just that, questions. And I know that we're not really put on earth to understand G-d, ultimately, no one can understand him, but even the significance of this miracle is missing from me. I genuinely, entirely, don't get it. It's cool, if true, if possible, but I just, I don't know. I can't seem to fully grasp it like all the other one. I pray, I believe.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Jesus Calms The Storm Mark 4:35-41
They got into a boat, the waves began to toss over the boat, the disciples thought they were going to perish, Jesus was asleep in the stern, the disciples wake up Jesus and asks him, does he not care that they're about to die, Jesus walks out to the deck and says to the store, "Peace, Be Still" and a calm set over the waters. The disciples wondered, who is this whom even have power over the elements?
I definitely relate more to the disciples in this story. I'm sorry, maybe it's 'cause I'm Black and my people don't have a positive history of being on a boat, but I don't do so well being in the middle of water on a boat. I have a bit of anxiety over it, I'm wanting to see land the whole time and I'm not the kind of swimmer that wouldn't end up growing herself in the OCEAN. SO...yes, a storm is coming, I'm in a little boat, water is coming over the dock, it's dark, raining, the boat is tipping from side to side, I can't find a piece of land to hurry up and swim to...NO, JESUS better wake up! lol.
In life, I'd say that I've been blessed that G-d has given me the vision of the final destination, but the path there is usually very, very dark. Sometimes I do feel like He has brought me somewhere and then, just left. Sometimes my boat gets stuck in someone else's storm and I'm like um...this is not supposed to be my problem and now it is my problem and I didn't even want to be here in the first place, Jesus, so where are you? Please bail me out, lol.
I need to build my trust in G-d. Most recently, I've been praying over some little things, "Oh, Jesus, please have my 2nd session canceled today, I'm just too tired." or "Oh, Jesus, please don't have this mechanic charge me over $50." and Jesus has answered my prayers, however, I don't notice them until much much later. I don't notice them until I've told someone I prayed for something and then they point out, "Hey didn't you pray for that? Jesus is still alive!" I've got to stop that. I need to start noticing that my prayers are being answered because I feel it will help me remember that G-d did hear me and did answer, with a blessing, and then this memory of answered prayers will give me strength to get through a storm without backsliding, being double-minded or simply giving up. I need to trust the Lord. I need to remember the evidence of why I trust the Lord. Because He is alive, He does provide, He is listening and He does answer.
I definitely relate more to the disciples in this story. I'm sorry, maybe it's 'cause I'm Black and my people don't have a positive history of being on a boat, but I don't do so well being in the middle of water on a boat. I have a bit of anxiety over it, I'm wanting to see land the whole time and I'm not the kind of swimmer that wouldn't end up growing herself in the OCEAN. SO...yes, a storm is coming, I'm in a little boat, water is coming over the dock, it's dark, raining, the boat is tipping from side to side, I can't find a piece of land to hurry up and swim to...NO, JESUS better wake up! lol.
In life, I'd say that I've been blessed that G-d has given me the vision of the final destination, but the path there is usually very, very dark. Sometimes I do feel like He has brought me somewhere and then, just left. Sometimes my boat gets stuck in someone else's storm and I'm like um...this is not supposed to be my problem and now it is my problem and I didn't even want to be here in the first place, Jesus, so where are you? Please bail me out, lol.
I need to build my trust in G-d. Most recently, I've been praying over some little things, "Oh, Jesus, please have my 2nd session canceled today, I'm just too tired." or "Oh, Jesus, please don't have this mechanic charge me over $50." and Jesus has answered my prayers, however, I don't notice them until much much later. I don't notice them until I've told someone I prayed for something and then they point out, "Hey didn't you pray for that? Jesus is still alive!" I've got to stop that. I need to start noticing that my prayers are being answered because I feel it will help me remember that G-d did hear me and did answer, with a blessing, and then this memory of answered prayers will give me strength to get through a storm without backsliding, being double-minded or simply giving up. I need to trust the Lord. I need to remember the evidence of why I trust the Lord. Because He is alive, He does provide, He is listening and He does answer.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Jesus heals a man with a shriveled hand Mark 3:1-6
"Again he entered the synagogue, and man was there who had a withered hand. They watched him to see whether he would cure him on the sabbath, so that they might accuse him." ... "'Is it lawful to todo good or to do harm on the sabbath, to save or to kill?'"...." ' Stretch out your hand," He stretched it out and his hand was restored."
I'm not sure who I relate to most in this story:
1. Congregation- I feel like If I was in that time, and I was in the synagogue and knew Jesus was notorious for healing people of all types of physical and spiritual ailments, I would be eager to see Him do his work, whether on the sabbath or not because I would be so eager to see a miracle for my own eyes.
2. Man with Withered Hand- I have had ailments, mental and physical, that I have had chosen to not share with others because of the embarrassment of having to announce it to everyone in the Bible study group in order to have them pray about it. I have also held back on seeking help in some ailments because I feel my infirmities are so insignificant to bother someone else with. I can imagine that this man with a withered hand, was old. He was already an old man, and when you get old, things just start to shrivel; it's a natural part of getting old. So, as being the old man in this story, I can imagine that I would have been like, "No, Jesus, it's okay, it's just one hand and it just happened over time of me getting old, look I can still write with my other one, it's not big deal." I would also be fearful of having to stand in front of everyone and show them my brokenness as if on display to be stared at and poked at AND I would be fearful of the Pharisees getting upset that I allowed Jesus to heal me. I would be fearful of Jesus "wasting" His power on my little issue, feeling naked and on display, AND other people getting mad at me for asking/seeking a blessing in a probably not appropriate time (sabbath).
3. Pharisees- I don't have a problem with good being done on the sabbath. Disruption from the norm is something I often look forward to, however, I do have this problem of really just not understanding the importance of the law or the relation of the law to G-d. I don't understand why there is so much emphasis on the first born son, when more times than not in the Bible, the first born it put aside and it's the second or the last son that receives and abundance of blessings. Why does G-d do that? Why does he tell us, like, the first is the best, the first is mine, on the first, or do this first when there are numerous examples of the latter being given, being actually given the importance or the better portion? Another example is David in the field. I understand David was hungry, was a man of G-d and etc. , but there are so many emphasis on obedience to the Lord, don't touch what belongs to the Lord - people have been murdered over that or lived painful lives because of that, yet in David's life, he received honor and was deemed righteous before all, when he obviously broke the law because of his carnality of being hungry. He should have considered it a fast, no? So, overall, it's not that I'm against blessing someone in what society or religion has deemed an inappropriate time, but I'm wondering why and when is it okay to put the law aside.
What I found interesting in this story was that the healing of the man's hand was not associated to sin. As in other stories of healings, Jesus usually ends with a "and sin no more" , but in this case, it's just WHAM you are healed, enjoy. I am currently suffered from acne. It came on quite suddenly and with ferocity. I've had it for three years and no one has really been able to tell me why. I've tried over the counter medicines, I tried ordered products, prescriptions and even got to the point of having my skin peeled once a month. I've changed my diet- no breads, no milk (not even soy, which is disgusting), no cheese, no oils (I can't remember the last time I had delicious pizza). I've started to wash my bedsheets twice a month, use less oil in my hair and to no avail, the acne is still here. Acne seems like a minute issue, so I don't talk about it, but it has seriously hurt the way I look at myself. Especially when I see pictures of 2 or 3 years ago, I'm fearful that my skin will never be restored to its lustre. The acne is beginning to clear up now, after nearly a complete diet change - fruits and veggies, which can get out- and daily drinking of green tea, and working a WHOLE lot less, which means I don't have close to the income I once had which wasn't even decent to begin with. I'm doing all these things, but am fearful that my skin still won't be restored. I'm fearful that I will stop getting pimples ,but scars, dents, rough patches and discoloration will remain. I don't want that.
I pray the Lord will help me love Him and His ways, without the focus or the need of making sure I'm in the law of what's right in order to bring myself closer to His righteousness. I pray the Lord help me to allow myself to be healed without the fear of being embarrassed or the fear of inconveniencing someone else or seeking help at an inconvenient time for someone else. I pray that I believe in my heart that frivolous ailments that one can technically live with, like a withered hand or acne, can still be healed, leaving one fully and completely restored.
s ferocity
I'm not sure who I relate to most in this story:
1. Congregation- I feel like If I was in that time, and I was in the synagogue and knew Jesus was notorious for healing people of all types of physical and spiritual ailments, I would be eager to see Him do his work, whether on the sabbath or not because I would be so eager to see a miracle for my own eyes.
2. Man with Withered Hand- I have had ailments, mental and physical, that I have had chosen to not share with others because of the embarrassment of having to announce it to everyone in the Bible study group in order to have them pray about it. I have also held back on seeking help in some ailments because I feel my infirmities are so insignificant to bother someone else with. I can imagine that this man with a withered hand, was old. He was already an old man, and when you get old, things just start to shrivel; it's a natural part of getting old. So, as being the old man in this story, I can imagine that I would have been like, "No, Jesus, it's okay, it's just one hand and it just happened over time of me getting old, look I can still write with my other one, it's not big deal." I would also be fearful of having to stand in front of everyone and show them my brokenness as if on display to be stared at and poked at AND I would be fearful of the Pharisees getting upset that I allowed Jesus to heal me. I would be fearful of Jesus "wasting" His power on my little issue, feeling naked and on display, AND other people getting mad at me for asking/seeking a blessing in a probably not appropriate time (sabbath).
3. Pharisees- I don't have a problem with good being done on the sabbath. Disruption from the norm is something I often look forward to, however, I do have this problem of really just not understanding the importance of the law or the relation of the law to G-d. I don't understand why there is so much emphasis on the first born son, when more times than not in the Bible, the first born it put aside and it's the second or the last son that receives and abundance of blessings. Why does G-d do that? Why does he tell us, like, the first is the best, the first is mine, on the first, or do this first when there are numerous examples of the latter being given, being actually given the importance or the better portion? Another example is David in the field. I understand David was hungry, was a man of G-d and etc. , but there are so many emphasis on obedience to the Lord, don't touch what belongs to the Lord - people have been murdered over that or lived painful lives because of that, yet in David's life, he received honor and was deemed righteous before all, when he obviously broke the law because of his carnality of being hungry. He should have considered it a fast, no? So, overall, it's not that I'm against blessing someone in what society or religion has deemed an inappropriate time, but I'm wondering why and when is it okay to put the law aside.
What I found interesting in this story was that the healing of the man's hand was not associated to sin. As in other stories of healings, Jesus usually ends with a "and sin no more" , but in this case, it's just WHAM you are healed, enjoy. I am currently suffered from acne. It came on quite suddenly and with ferocity. I've had it for three years and no one has really been able to tell me why. I've tried over the counter medicines, I tried ordered products, prescriptions and even got to the point of having my skin peeled once a month. I've changed my diet- no breads, no milk (not even soy, which is disgusting), no cheese, no oils (I can't remember the last time I had delicious pizza). I've started to wash my bedsheets twice a month, use less oil in my hair and to no avail, the acne is still here. Acne seems like a minute issue, so I don't talk about it, but it has seriously hurt the way I look at myself. Especially when I see pictures of 2 or 3 years ago, I'm fearful that my skin will never be restored to its lustre. The acne is beginning to clear up now, after nearly a complete diet change - fruits and veggies, which can get out- and daily drinking of green tea, and working a WHOLE lot less, which means I don't have close to the income I once had which wasn't even decent to begin with. I'm doing all these things, but am fearful that my skin still won't be restored. I'm fearful that I will stop getting pimples ,but scars, dents, rough patches and discoloration will remain. I don't want that.
I pray the Lord will help me love Him and His ways, without the focus or the need of making sure I'm in the law of what's right in order to bring myself closer to His righteousness. I pray the Lord help me to allow myself to be healed without the fear of being embarrassed or the fear of inconveniencing someone else or seeking help at an inconvenient time for someone else. I pray that I believe in my heart that frivolous ailments that one can technically live with, like a withered hand or acne, can still be healed, leaving one fully and completely restored.
s ferocity
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Philippians 4:19
My God will meet all of your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
My- mine, ownership, and if I am to claim Him, I must treat Him as I treat the other things that I proudly claim- I stay in contact with them, I keep them healthy, I maintain them, I take care of them, I must have a relationship with my Father, I must take care of my Father and my Father's things
Will- it is going to happen
All- all of them, the small, the big
Your- not just my own needs, but the needs of others as well, the needs of all, Christian, Gentile, Atheist
Needs- the things I need in order to survive, in order to live
His- He judges, He decides
Riches- wealth, which involves more than just finances
I know G-d will provide my needs, I'm sure of this. I believe my problem is that I don't like WHEN G-d decides to provide for my needs, lol. I also know that sometimes I just don't go to Him with my needs or requests for things I feel I need. There are have been a few times in my life where I've felt so overwhelmed and just wanted to collapse and cry out for help and just cry, but I would tell myself, "Lisa, you don't have time for this, you have to be at your 2nd job in fifteen minutes" or "You're not a cryer". It's true that I'm not a cryer, but crying once or twice doesn't make me a sap or a weakling, which yes, I am afraid of being seen as. Also, by the fact that I have to convince myself that I'm not a cryer, means that maybe I am and at that time I'm making myself curtail an emotion that apparently really needed (needs) to be express.
When I feel these sudden moments of a rushing needs to wail like a three year lost in the mall, I pray I do. I pray I allow myself to just cry, just stop whatever I'm doing and cry- whether I'm in the car and I need to pull or or whether I'm already running late somewhere. I pray that I begin to put my spiritual and mental life before my physical life AND the physical needs of others and instead take the time to express to my Father, my utter despair.
My- mine, ownership, and if I am to claim Him, I must treat Him as I treat the other things that I proudly claim- I stay in contact with them, I keep them healthy, I maintain them, I take care of them, I must have a relationship with my Father, I must take care of my Father and my Father's things
Will- it is going to happen
All- all of them, the small, the big
Your- not just my own needs, but the needs of others as well, the needs of all, Christian, Gentile, Atheist
Needs- the things I need in order to survive, in order to live
His- He judges, He decides
Riches- wealth, which involves more than just finances
I know G-d will provide my needs, I'm sure of this. I believe my problem is that I don't like WHEN G-d decides to provide for my needs, lol. I also know that sometimes I just don't go to Him with my needs or requests for things I feel I need. There are have been a few times in my life where I've felt so overwhelmed and just wanted to collapse and cry out for help and just cry, but I would tell myself, "Lisa, you don't have time for this, you have to be at your 2nd job in fifteen minutes" or "You're not a cryer". It's true that I'm not a cryer, but crying once or twice doesn't make me a sap or a weakling, which yes, I am afraid of being seen as. Also, by the fact that I have to convince myself that I'm not a cryer, means that maybe I am and at that time I'm making myself curtail an emotion that apparently really needed (needs) to be express.
When I feel these sudden moments of a rushing needs to wail like a three year lost in the mall, I pray I do. I pray I allow myself to just cry, just stop whatever I'm doing and cry- whether I'm in the car and I need to pull or or whether I'm already running late somewhere. I pray that I begin to put my spiritual and mental life before my physical life AND the physical needs of others and instead take the time to express to my Father, my utter despair.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I CAN- when I put emphasis on this word, it turned into one of those motivational, can-do, phrases that my mom used to make me practice as a child."I think I can, I think I can" type of stuff, with the little train that could. Or like the sticky notes some people have on their mirror that say things like, "I am beautiful" and they read it aloud every morning, looking at themselves in the mirror. This phrase turns into a bit of a demand, which is encouraging.
I can do all things THROUGH- seek God first in order for me to be granted permission, help and the blessing to move forward.
CHRIST- Jesus, the son.
I think I have many selfish ambitions that I , of course, don't go to G-d with help in accomplishing because they're selfish. I feel the desire or the goal is of the flesh and not really to glorify G-d and/or may not bring any positive light to Christians or living a Christian life. So, I just stop seeking Him and His strength to do these things or anything because of the shame I carry resulting in my not doing anything because as the scripture reads, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me; the opposite of that being, I can't do anything without Christ.
I pray that the Lord rid me of selfish ambition. Give me the mind that wants to excel and become great at things for the glory of G-d, not for my own fame in notoriety.
I CAN- when I put emphasis on this word, it turned into one of those motivational, can-do, phrases that my mom used to make me practice as a child."I think I can, I think I can" type of stuff, with the little train that could. Or like the sticky notes some people have on their mirror that say things like, "I am beautiful" and they read it aloud every morning, looking at themselves in the mirror. This phrase turns into a bit of a demand, which is encouraging.
I can do all things THROUGH- seek God first in order for me to be granted permission, help and the blessing to move forward.
CHRIST- Jesus, the son.
I think I have many selfish ambitions that I , of course, don't go to G-d with help in accomplishing because they're selfish. I feel the desire or the goal is of the flesh and not really to glorify G-d and/or may not bring any positive light to Christians or living a Christian life. So, I just stop seeking Him and His strength to do these things or anything because of the shame I carry resulting in my not doing anything because as the scripture reads, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me; the opposite of that being, I can't do anything without Christ.
I pray that the Lord rid me of selfish ambition. Give me the mind that wants to excel and become great at things for the glory of G-d, not for my own fame in notoriety.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
anxious-worry
everything-everything and anything, the little stuff, the big stuff, the mental figurative abstract stuff and the concrete stuff
prayer-stop, get on knees, close eyes and commune with G-d.
petition-asking? though I'm unsure of this word in this context
thanksgiving- thanksgiving about what exactly? this word in this context is unclear to me
present- show, display not necessarily demand
I've developed a lack of confidence and spirit of fear in my life, which I've never previously experienced. This could be due to the fact that I'm in a new situation:20 something and out of the 12-14 year structure of school. I worry a lot about my next job, how to get to my dream career, if I'm Christian enough, why I sin, why I can't seem to date anyone, how can I pay my bills working a decently paid job that I loath and still be happy, and how to not kill myself or my mother. I worry a whole lot more than I've ever worried in my entire life and it stresses me out to the point where I can feel and sometimes see my heart beating, my body trembles and I've had acne for the 1st time (I didn't get it in high school) on my cheeks for nearly a year now. I become so overwhelmed that I sink into depression and can only lay down and just daydream of a better life. Better is not really the term for it, maybe just a more fun and frivolous life, really. I also end up not making any decisions because I'm too concerned that I'll make the wrong decision that could ultimately make me regret the next 2 to 3 years of my oh so very short life and/or 'cause me to go to Hell. I'm also dealing with my first real possibly rooted sin that I believe is a sin against the flesh. This is not spoken about nor at all tolerated in my family nor in my church so I feel even more ashamed to attempt to find someone to talk to about it AND my church doesn't really have services where people can go talk to someone about their problems, anyway.
This verse tells me I do have someone to talk about it with, G-d. Stress and worry I know is already a sin (there's a scripture verse that's like, what's the point of worrying, your worry doesn't produce anything, the birds don't worry and the Lord feeds them everyday....), but apparently it hasn't stopped me from worrying. I don't like being this person. Lately, I seem to go to G-d about the big stuff like, please don't allow me to die alone, or please bless my currently non-existent children, lol. But, I don't actually pray about the little figurative things or current concrete things like my car, my current lack of funds, this current sin I can't seem to shake. I need to release everything unto Him.
I pray, Lord, that you help me allow you to help me. I'm tired of feeling fear and doubt and utter shame to the point where I feel like I have no right talking to you, or doing your work, or that I'm never going to experience love or success or happiness. I'm so, so tired G-d. Please help me. Help me to make it a habit to go to you in prayer about everything and anything and the confidence in knowing that you once I've brought it to you, you will take care of it. Help me to in that prayer be thankful of you taking care of the matter. Lord please build me up with confidence in you, your love, your strength, and your ability and willingness to help me with all my issues, ALL my issues. Give me the confidence to trust you in all things. Forgive me of my sins. Love me. Help me life a proper life. I don't want to do wrong- this is my greatest fear. I want to make you smile, make you proud. Help me Lord to be okay. Please help me.
anxious-worry
everything-everything and anything, the little stuff, the big stuff, the mental figurative abstract stuff and the concrete stuff
prayer-stop, get on knees, close eyes and commune with G-d.
petition-asking? though I'm unsure of this word in this context
thanksgiving- thanksgiving about what exactly? this word in this context is unclear to me
present- show, display not necessarily demand
I've developed a lack of confidence and spirit of fear in my life, which I've never previously experienced. This could be due to the fact that I'm in a new situation:20 something and out of the 12-14 year structure of school. I worry a lot about my next job, how to get to my dream career, if I'm Christian enough, why I sin, why I can't seem to date anyone, how can I pay my bills working a decently paid job that I loath and still be happy, and how to not kill myself or my mother. I worry a whole lot more than I've ever worried in my entire life and it stresses me out to the point where I can feel and sometimes see my heart beating, my body trembles and I've had acne for the 1st time (I didn't get it in high school) on my cheeks for nearly a year now. I become so overwhelmed that I sink into depression and can only lay down and just daydream of a better life. Better is not really the term for it, maybe just a more fun and frivolous life, really. I also end up not making any decisions because I'm too concerned that I'll make the wrong decision that could ultimately make me regret the next 2 to 3 years of my oh so very short life and/or 'cause me to go to Hell. I'm also dealing with my first real possibly rooted sin that I believe is a sin against the flesh. This is not spoken about nor at all tolerated in my family nor in my church so I feel even more ashamed to attempt to find someone to talk to about it AND my church doesn't really have services where people can go talk to someone about their problems, anyway.
This verse tells me I do have someone to talk about it with, G-d. Stress and worry I know is already a sin (there's a scripture verse that's like, what's the point of worrying, your worry doesn't produce anything, the birds don't worry and the Lord feeds them everyday....), but apparently it hasn't stopped me from worrying. I don't like being this person. Lately, I seem to go to G-d about the big stuff like, please don't allow me to die alone, or please bless my currently non-existent children, lol. But, I don't actually pray about the little figurative things or current concrete things like my car, my current lack of funds, this current sin I can't seem to shake. I need to release everything unto Him.
I pray, Lord, that you help me allow you to help me. I'm tired of feeling fear and doubt and utter shame to the point where I feel like I have no right talking to you, or doing your work, or that I'm never going to experience love or success or happiness. I'm so, so tired G-d. Please help me. Help me to make it a habit to go to you in prayer about everything and anything and the confidence in knowing that you once I've brought it to you, you will take care of it. Help me to in that prayer be thankful of you taking care of the matter. Lord please build me up with confidence in you, your love, your strength, and your ability and willingness to help me with all my issues, ALL my issues. Give me the confidence to trust you in all things. Forgive me of my sins. Love me. Help me life a proper life. I don't want to do wrong- this is my greatest fear. I want to make you smile, make you proud. Help me Lord to be okay. Please help me.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Philippians 2:13
"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." - Philippians 2:13
For GOD- LORD, a good spirit, not a bad one
is WORKING- struggle for fruitfulness, for profit, He has not given up on me or gone off the clock
in YOU-Lisa
, GIVING- offering it to you, to take it, for free
the DESIRE- the want, the passion, the thirst for it
and THE POWER- the strength and the ability to do it, He is abling me (abling is not a word), equipping me to do it
to do what PLEASES- makes Him happy, satisfied
The "working" part really struck a cord with me because it made me notice a presumption I carry if not with others, definitely myself. The presumption is that basically, I'm an adult Christian and should know better. Since I have been raised in the church, I went to the pre-school/elementary school of the same church, I can count the day's I've missed church, I took the scripture "...when I was a child I acted like a child...now that I'm an adult I not longer act like a child..." (something like that), I took this scripture to heart when I became of age, when I became an adult. I thought, you were literally raised in the church, now you're an adult, you know better. You're an adult Christian Lisa it's time for you to start acting like one, meaning stop making stupid mistakes and I felt like I shouldn't be feeling doubt or temptations, especially obvious ones that most people go through in their high school or college life. I felt like I've received the proper education, I'm done being made and now it's time to act appropriately. DO what He made me to do. But, now, apparently, I'm seeing and I guess trying to believe this "working" part of the scripture. Working is in the present progressive form, which means it's still being done. He is currently and still doing this work on and in me. I am not yet a finished product, I'm not complete. Instead of pressuring myself to be this full and complete person, this perfect Christian and getting angry, ashamed or disappointed when I'm not and I fail, completely fail to discern or notice that I'm falling, I need to release myself to G-d and simply allow Him to continue working. I'm not complete yet and that's okay, that's the point. I don't have a strong back bone yet, in G-d's eyes maybe I'm young and maybe he's not yet created the backbone part of me yet, lol.
Additionally, that fact that He is present progressively working also brings comfort to me knowing that He is still with me. He hasn't just made me, completed me and expects me to be able to swim. All of which I thought, I had assumed. He is still here with me when I excel and He is with me to help me back up. I'm still in training, I guess.
Changes to make to my life: Relax when I sin or when I'm seriously tempted to sin. I'm not saying sin and walk proudly, but I will be like King David, who sinned and immediately consistently sought the face of G-d. LORD please help me to seek you in my shame, to not hate myself when I fail, LORD let me be like King David who believed and practices your mercy, your grace, forgiveness and your love. Help me to understand that you're not a G-d who eagerly and easily destroys. Help me to understand and to believe whole-heartedly that you love ME- a failure. You still love me when I'm mean, ugly, stupid.
For GOD- LORD, a good spirit, not a bad one
is WORKING- struggle for fruitfulness, for profit, He has not given up on me or gone off the clock
in YOU-Lisa
, GIVING- offering it to you, to take it, for free
the DESIRE- the want, the passion, the thirst for it
and THE POWER- the strength and the ability to do it, He is abling me (abling is not a word), equipping me to do it
to do what PLEASES- makes Him happy, satisfied
The "working" part really struck a cord with me because it made me notice a presumption I carry if not with others, definitely myself. The presumption is that basically, I'm an adult Christian and should know better. Since I have been raised in the church, I went to the pre-school/elementary school of the same church, I can count the day's I've missed church, I took the scripture "...when I was a child I acted like a child...now that I'm an adult I not longer act like a child..." (something like that), I took this scripture to heart when I became of age, when I became an adult. I thought, you were literally raised in the church, now you're an adult, you know better. You're an adult Christian Lisa it's time for you to start acting like one, meaning stop making stupid mistakes and I felt like I shouldn't be feeling doubt or temptations, especially obvious ones that most people go through in their high school or college life. I felt like I've received the proper education, I'm done being made and now it's time to act appropriately. DO what He made me to do. But, now, apparently, I'm seeing and I guess trying to believe this "working" part of the scripture. Working is in the present progressive form, which means it's still being done. He is currently and still doing this work on and in me. I am not yet a finished product, I'm not complete. Instead of pressuring myself to be this full and complete person, this perfect Christian and getting angry, ashamed or disappointed when I'm not and I fail, completely fail to discern or notice that I'm falling, I need to release myself to G-d and simply allow Him to continue working. I'm not complete yet and that's okay, that's the point. I don't have a strong back bone yet, in G-d's eyes maybe I'm young and maybe he's not yet created the backbone part of me yet, lol.
Additionally, that fact that He is present progressively working also brings comfort to me knowing that He is still with me. He hasn't just made me, completed me and expects me to be able to swim. All of which I thought, I had assumed. He is still here with me when I excel and He is with me to help me back up. I'm still in training, I guess.
Changes to make to my life: Relax when I sin or when I'm seriously tempted to sin. I'm not saying sin and walk proudly, but I will be like King David, who sinned and immediately consistently sought the face of G-d. LORD please help me to seek you in my shame, to not hate myself when I fail, LORD let me be like King David who believed and practices your mercy, your grace, forgiveness and your love. Help me to understand that you're not a G-d who eagerly and easily destroys. Help me to understand and to believe whole-heartedly that you love ME- a failure. You still love me when I'm mean, ugly, stupid.
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